


In A Heartbeat

by kanamewjpeg



Category: Mewgulf
Genre: Bottom Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong, Emotional, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heart, Light BDSM, Love, M/M, MewGulf - Freeform, Mild Smut, Sweet/Hot, Top Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25494037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanamewjpeg/pseuds/kanamewjpeg
Summary: Coping with the loss of someone you love is one of life’s biggest challenges.As per Mew, he still couldn’t accept that the person he loved for 3 years is gone-But what if that love would make a comeback?
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 16
Kudos: 113





	1. Last

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MewGulf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MewGulf/gifts).



> This is purely fanfiction and in no way related to the names mentioned in the story. ♡  
> I hope you enjoy this creation of mine
> 
> \- Eysia

* * *

'' _Mew, I want you to move forward and find someone who will love you more than I did._

_I don't want you to be sad, I know I don't have the right to say this to you but please, Love? do this for me._

_I will not be able to witness your smile if anything happens to me, I know that. that's why I don't want it to go to waste._

_I want you to find someone who will cherish that beautiful smile of yours. I wanted to be sure that you'll be happy ''_

Those were his last words.

* * *

_Saturday Morning_

I feel the breeze coming from my open window.

' _He should be coming right now and flood me with kisses and both of us will happily drink our hot chocolate drink but all I got is this empty breeze of spring '_

I got up and looked in the mirror ' _You're a mess Mew, as I examined every detail of growing hair all around my face '_

I prepared myself to go to my partner's house to give his belongings to his Mom. I should hurry before my Mom wakes up and start her morning sermon.

As I was fixing my bag, suddenly something fell on the ground.

' _You're still here?_ ' As I saw the keychain that used to be attached on to his car keys but he gave it to me to add luck while I'm studying so I attached it on my bag.

' _You remind me of everything Love_ ' i uttered.

After preparing everything, I slowly open my door so I wouldn't make any noise and silently went downstairs.

I got my car keys and ready to open the front door when someone pulled my arms.

' _Where are you going early this morning huh Mew? Why didn't you ate last night? '_

It's my Mom. This is bad.

' _Mom_ ' 

' _Mew, why aren't you eating? it's been days darling? I'm so worried one day you'll collapse. Eat before you leave please '_

I don't know what to answer my Mom but a slight nod of assurance ' _Mom I have to go now, I have to meet his Mom. I'm giving back his things '_

Then Mom hugged me ' _Are you sure with this Mew? Why don't you keep it? I just smiled at her ' It's okay Mom and I'm not hungry '_

' _Go home right away Mew, We'll be having dinner okay?_

' _Got it Ma_ '

I got into my car and started to drive off the busy highway of Thailand. After a few minutes of driving, I arrived at my partner's house.

I don't know why I'm getting nervous, It's been a while since I visited her, we haven't gotten much time even when my Partner was still alive he would go here alone

because I'm always busy studying back then.

I stood in front of their door contemplating whether if I should continue or just go home and plant myself on my bed.

But I'm already here, I just need to do this quickly and go home right away.

I rang the doorbell and after a few seconds, the door opened. 

' _Mew '_ then she hugged me tightly ' _How are you Son? I missed you so much '_

' _I'm not okay Mom, I don't know if I will be okay again Mom '_

It's only been a week since her Son left us and I'm still not processing everything that had happened. I couldn't, My heart and mind wouldn't accept

the fact that My boyfriend left us. In my case, I wasn't able to say goodbye to him.

' _I know this is very hard for you Mew, I'm really sorry. I'm really trying my best to distract myself from this pain but I couldn't do it '_

' _I know Mom, Even I couldn't accept it '_

' _What's that Mew? You're holding '_

_' ah, This is all his stuff Mom, Everything is here, His figurines, Cards, keychains, and his favorite mug and some of his clothes '_

' _Why are you returning this to me, Mew? You don't want to keep this?_ she asked me.

I took a deep sigh ' _I really wanted to keep it Mom, but I know it would just hurt me if I keep seeing his stuff '_

The silence inside the house gave me chills and added to the pain that I'm already feeling.

' _I missed my Son, Mew. I missed him so much. Right now? If he's here he would be screaming at the top of his lungs because you're here._

_He would be running, Asking me to make your favorite dessert. Right now he would pull you upstairs and tell you How I scolded him because he played too many games_

_he would ask me right now to let you sleep over here. I wanted to see that again Mew_ ' as she got teary.

a sudden pain pierced in my chest as I reminisce everything. Tears started to fell on my face.

' _I miss him too, Mom. I miss him too '_

We sat down and started talking about his Son. I must admit, talking about him is really hard for me right now

But I know the pain is doubled for his Mom, If it can lessen the pain then It's okay for me.

' _How was my Son to you, Mew?_ ' I was caught off guard by her sudden question.

' _huh, Mom?_ ' I said trying to avoid the question.

' _How was my Son to you? When you two are together? You know, When he's here his stories were all about how you treated_

_him and how you loved him, now I wanted to know how was my Son to you. '_

_' Your Son? '_ I smiled ' _Well, your Son. He loved me as much as I did. He always put me first in every decision_

_he's about to make or even thinking about it. He always asks me for my opinion. He's a selfless soul Mom._

_He loved me so much that I can't help but fall in love with him every day that we're together. '_ as I held back my tears.

' _My Son really loves you, Mew. He always tell me that '_

_' I know Mom '_

After a very long catch up and storytelling. I finally excused myself because I promised my Mom that I'll be going home

right away so that we could eat dinner together.

_' Mom, I have to go now. I'll visit you again okay? '_ then I hugged her very tightly.

' _My Son would hug me like this if he was here. You remind me of him so much. Please visit me from time to time darling '_

_' Don't worry Mom, I will visit you. You take care of yourself and you need anything don't hesitate to call me okay. You got my number right? '_

_' Yes, Son. '_

I got my things and was about to go out when she stopped and held me.

' _Mew, are you sure you don't want to meet him? '_ with hope in her eyes.

I smiled _' I can't Mom, I don't think I will be able to handle it. ' i told her._

_' Tell me if you change your mind Mew, Okay I'll be waiting? '_

_' Take care Mom, I have to go '_

_' Take care always too, Mew. '_

I arrived at home and my Mom is on the phone.

' _He's really heartbroken...I don't know what to do to him...Yes.._

_I'm just terrified that I will lose my Son..no..no..I won't let that happen.._

_I don't want that to happen '_

_' Ma, I'm home '_

_' Ohh, Okay.. Mew's Home.. I'll call you back soon '_

_' who's that? '_ I asked her.

_' It's your auntie. She's asking how's our family and she's checking up your dad '_

_' oh okay '_

I was about to go to my room when my mom hugged me.

' _Darling? Let's eat first? please? '_ My Mom pleaded.

' _I'm going to eat with you Mom, just need to put my things in my room and change clothes._

 _I'll come down right away '_ I told her.

As soon as I entered my room, I got a wave of pain piercing my heart. I suddenly couldn't feel my legs

and started breaking down. I kept calling his name. Expecting that If I don't stop, he would come back.

_' Why? Why? Please come back. I'm begging you! Please come back! '_

My mom heard my sobbing and immediately went to my room.

' _Mew!! Get up, please. Don't do this to me, Mew! Please help yourself '_ she repeatedly told me.

' _I feel empty Mom, I can't feel anything, I can't feel myself anymore. I think it's better to just go after him, Mom. I wanted_

_to be with him. I wanted to see him '_

My mom pulled me into her arms ' _Don't leave Mom, Please. Don't do this, my baby '_

The pain in my heart doubled. What the hell Am I even thinking? I got back my senses and hugged my Mom tightly.

' _I'm sorry Mom ' I bawled my eyes out ' I didn't mean to say that Mom, I'm sorry! I won't leave you. I'm sorry '_

I got up as I helped my Mom and guide her on my chair and let her calm down.

' _I'm really sorry Mom '_ I told her.

' _Come here, you know that Mom is here for you right? You don't have to endure that pain alone? You can always share it with Mom._

_You can always cry in my arms, my baby? don't hide your pain to mom. huh? Mew?_

I just nodded and we both went downstairs.

Silence while we are having dinner. I'm not really myself.

' _Eat more. You haven't eaten anything enough yet '_

_' I had lunch with his mom '_

_' how is she ? '_

_' I don't know Mom, she looks ok but her eyes tell pain '_

After finishing dinner, I went straight to my room. I feel so empty and weird. The things that I used to do

and enjoy with him feel so empty now. Now that he's not here anymore. How am I able to move forward?

I felt like I gave my whole of me away. I feel incomplete.

I went straight to my bathroom and changed my clothes.

I laid on my bed on closed my eyes hoping that this is all a dream, that tomorrow I will wake up with his

Morning breathe, kisses, and his smiling eyes. I wish when I wake up tomorrow, there's no trace

of pain and sorrow.

Only happiness with the one I love.

' _**Goodnight Love**_ '


	2. Feel it

* * *

After 5 Months

_''Mew! Aren't you going to the clinic today?''_ My Mom nagged me early in the morning.

 _''Mom? You can see that I'm all dressed up right?''_ She looked at me from head to toe as if she wanted to say something I wouldn't like.

_''Say it Mom''_ while waiting for what she would say to me.

_''Please go to the barbershop Mew, Please! Jesus Christ, I couldn't recognize you anymore!''_

It's been 5 months since I got my hair cut and shaved my beard. I must admit that I couldn't recognize myself too.

but I don't have any motivation to look good? I mean I don't have any reason to do so right? My boyfriend is gone. I don't deserve looking good

if that's what my mom wants.

_''I'm going now Mom, don't wait for me. I'll be having dinner with my friends''_ I told her.

_''You've been going out too much these past few months Mew, that's not good. Please look after yourself too. Stop being like that!''_

_''Don't worry about me Mom, I have to go now. See you!''_

_''Don't drink too much! you're going to drive Mew! Call me okay!''_

After an hour drive, I arrived at the clinic where I have to get my Medical Records for my Work.

You need to get a ticket at the entrance of the clinic before going to the Admin counter. As I got my ticket, I went straight to the admin's counter and fill up a form 

because the line of people is too long.

After filing the form I took my ticket number and was searching for a seat because I will not stand up and wait for this very long queue.

I was going around places looking for a seat but I couldn't find any available that time not until one of the Admin called a number and someone got up and I took his seat.

_''I'm just wasting my time here...ugh''_ I arranged the papers I needed to show to the admin as well as my referral so that later I would not have to search and even bother.

Suddenly I feel very hot, by the way, there is an aircon here in the clinic, I don't know if it's because of what I'm wearing? or what, but it feels like there's growing heat around my chest.

_''Very weird''_ As I rub my chest nonstop thinking it would go away at any moment when I noticed this person sleeping beside me _''How could he sleep like that''_

I looked at my number and I am way too far from the number on the screen. I looked at the guy who is sleeping and take a peep on his ticket.

_''Two-person away...hmmm''_ The little devil inside me woke up and suddenly wanted to play with me. My mind!

 _''there's no way he would notice it, he's dead asleep''_ I mouthed to myself _''Let's try''_

So I reached out to his hands, aiming to get the ticket when he suddenly moved and opened my eyes while my hands are near on his crotch

 _''eherm..ehermm...''_ I tried to play it off and I put my hand back on where it belongs.

_''Excuse me?''_ He said with his hoarse and low voice.

 _''ah, Hi... I was just looking at your ticket number''_ I told him _''Why?? Are trying to steal my ticket number??''_ with his eyebrows raised and the look of being offended.

I got speechless _''Excuse me? are you telling me that I'm a thief?''_ I felt so offended that I stood up being higher than him because he is still in that comfortable chair.

 _''Why? Am I wrong? don't try to deny it. I caught you red-handed!''_ this time my tongue really got caught up _''I wasn't stealing your ticket okay, I was looking because...I was just checking your number if ever it'‚ your turn then I would wake you up''_ the I smiled like an idiot.

_''No one's gonna believe your stupid excuses. They will announce the number out loud that even the last people at the back could hear._

_So why would you think my ass wouldn't wake up? and for you to have the urge to HELP? and wake me up?? really??''_ then he grinned.

I was speechless and dumbfounded on the situation that I'm in. This guy is so close-minded and talked a lot. I know It's my fault. I'm evil!! I wasn't really thinking straight.

 _''Okay, I apologize. It's not really my intention to steal your ticket...'' **NO. 1159 !! NO. 1159 !!** ''It's your turn'' _I know it because I saw his number.

_''I know! you don't have to tell me.''_ then he got up hitting me while passing through the way that I was blocking 

_''Sorry, accident''_ then he looked into my eyes and suddenly I felt something weird in my chest. After that, I never saw him again.

After a few hours, I got what I needed and decided to go home.

_''That guy was fucking weird.''_

_''Mom, I'm home!''_ I felt my stomach grumble as soon as I entered the kitchen.

 _''I thought you're eating out with your friends? what happened?''_ My mom asked me.

_''Padthai?''_ I asked her. _''Yes, What happened? did they cancelled it?''_ she stops what she was doing and trying to get an answer from me.

 _''His favorite,''_ I uttered while staring at the pad Thai. _''Mew? I'm talking to you??''_ she tapped me while still waiting for the answer.

_''I'm tired Mom, don't call me for dinner. I'm going to sleep''_

_''But you haven't eaten anything Mew? please eat? even a few bites darling.''_ she insisted.

_''No Mom, I'm really tired. I just want to rest. I'll eat when I feel hungry, don't worry''_

Then I hugged her and went directly to my room.

\- -

_I opened the door of my room and I could only see the light coming from my window._

_I followed the light and examined every corner of my room._

_Then, I saw you sitting in your favorite chair beside my bed and holding the first flowers you gave me when you_

_said you love me and wearing the shirt that I gave you._

_''Love? You're here (Smiling)''_

_I went in and closed the door of my room._

_''Love, is it you?'' While I'm walking slowly towards him ''Do you know how sad I am? I've been waiting for you, why did come just now?''_

_I can't believe my eyes, I walked towards to where he was and stood in front of him so I could see clearly how gorgeous his face is._

_His plump lips, His puffy eyes that full of love. '' Why did you leave me?'' I asked him but he didn't answer and kept staring at me._

_''you can explain it to me now, I will listen to you. I just wanted to understand everything. because it's getting harder and harder these days.''_

_But he just looked at me and smiled. ''Love, Please? Why did you do that?'' then he stood up and he hugged me. I could feel the heat of his body_

_even tho it's very cold around us. I could feel his caress on my back that he always does to me. I also got the smell of him making me feel safe._

_I am very happy because I'm with the person I love the most. I don't want this moment to end._

_He is here, He is alive and he is in my arms._

_My two arms were wrapped around his shoulder while I rested on it._

_he swayed me slowly, humming my favorite song he used to hum when I couldn't sleep._

_I closed my eyes, and feel his every breathe dancing on my entire body_

_then everything went dark. I lost my consciousness._

\- -

_''Mew! oh God, Please wake up!! What happened??''_

My eyes were still closed, but I can hear what is happening around me. I don't want to open my eyes because I know when I open

them, I will return to the reality I don't want to be in.

_''Mew! Please, Wake up.I'm scared right now. Where is the ambulance!! oh God. Please not my Son. Not my Son''_

I held my Mother's hand and opened my eyes then tears started rolling out of it.

_''I'm sorry Mama''_

_'' Mew ''_

Then she lost all her strength on her legs and sat on the ground

 _''Mew''_ she started crying

That was just one of the times that I had such imaginations that my boyfriend is still alive.

and when that happens, I always lose my consciousness. 

_''I wish I didn't wake up''_


	3. His Heart is Mine

* * *

_**Another day has come, another lie to myself that everything will be okay.** _

I called my boyfriend's Mom to say hello and ask her to eat with me outside. It has been a few months since I last saw her and I haven't been able to call her from time to time

as I'm also busy with my work and other stuff.

_''Sawadee krub Mae? aw, Mae how are you?...shaii... I'm glad that you're doing good...alaii Mae? Yes, I'm doing fight krub._

_ahh, been busy with work Mae, and other stuff too. Shaii, Do you want to eat outside with me? okay, I'll pick you Mae, See you krub''_

I got up to take a shower and probably fix my room before leaving the house so my Mom wouldn't bother me when I get home later.

I finished bathing and was arranging my closet when I saw the pair of pajamas hanging inside. It was the couple pajamas that my boyfriend and I always wore.

_''Fuck..Every corner of my room reminds me of you!!! Why? I don't know how can I move on If it's always like this?_

_You don't make it easy for me. I'm so tired''_

I calmed myself down, I still have to meet his Mom later. I don't want to ruin my mood.

Finished arranging my room, everything is perfect. I looked at the mirror _''You're pretty decent...still handsome as ever''_ and went down.

_''Mom? I'll just meet Khun Mae, we'll eat outside. Don't wait for me.''_ I screamed. My Mom is always busy on her phone.

 _''Okay, darling! take care. After you're meeting please go home straight okay?''_ as if I have the plan to have fun outside. 

After half an hour of driving, I finally arrived at their house. His Mom is already waiting outside.

She got in my car and we left right away to find some good restaurants that we could eat in.

While on the way _''Where do you want to eat Mae?''_ I asked her _''Anywhere will do Mew''_ Typical answers.

 _''Okay for now Mae I'll choose where to eat okay? I'm sure you will love it there''_ I told her while I continue driving.

We finally arrived at the restaurant that I chose, It was the restaurant where I and her son met for the first time.

It's an amazing feeling being here again after years but the sad part is, I'm here alone. Without Him.

We entered the restaurant and immediately welcomed by the amazing fragrance of the food coming from the kitchen and

a server _''Good afternoon, have you booked a table?''_ she asked me _''Yes, It's under the name of Mew--''_

I was not done with what I was saying when he suddenly said that he remembered me _''P Mew? Sawadee krub! It's been awhile krub!''_

 _''Sawadee, I'm really surprised you still remember me''_ I told him _''shai Phi, I remember you always visit here with your boyfriend''_ he excitingly said.

_''ahh, shai..''_ Khun Mae probably noticed that I was starting to get really awkward with the situation that's why she butted into our conversation politely.

 _'''Mew? Let's go?''_ she said giving the server the signal that we should have our table for two now _''aw, Khorthot krub. Would you follow me please''_ then we both settled in.

We finished eating and we were just talking about things. about my work, her coping up, and other stuff when she suddenly brought up the topic that I don't want to talk about.

 _''Mew''_ she held my hand _''Still can't decide? Do you really not want to meet him?''_ she asked me.

_''Mae, Let's no go there okay? Let's not talk about it''_ As I held her hand _''It has only been months since Sa--''_

I haven't finished my word when someone suddenly came to our table ann hugged Khun Mae.

_''Sorry na krub Khun Mae, I was late..very late''_ while panting _''There's too much traffic and my sister is acting up''_

Khun Mae looked and nodded at me as if to indicate that everything is going to be fine.

_''That's okay, come sit down with us''_ she told him. I could see that when he arrived, her eyes shone like she never has seen someone precious in her life.

The look is so bitterly familiar. I'm still confused about what's really going on. The identity of this young man is a mistery to me. 

He sat in front of me and stared at each other unintentionally as I felt something strange in my chest. There's a growing heat again like last time.

He somewhat looked familiar to me. It's like I have seen him somewhere in Thailand.

_''Mew. This is Gulf. He was the one who got Saint's heart.''_ she said.

It was as if someone shouted in my ear when I heard what she said. I couldn't think straight and all I could do is stare at her.

_''Nice meeting you Mew, I'm Gulf. I'm very glad I finally met you. been teasing Khun Mae for a long time to get to meet you but you were very busy she said''_

I was just looking at him because I don't know what to say. I'm still confused and everything is not yet sinking in.

I couldn't understand, my mind is not processing. I'm malfunctioning real hard.

My heart is beating fast, I feel like it will explode at any time so I really had to excuse myself before it happens. 

_''ah. I'm sorry Mae, but can I please excuse myself?''_ I stood up to go to the bathroom but Saint's Mom held my arm.

_''Mew...''_ with the pleading of her face I could not help but be annoyed by what was happening.

I looked at Gulf, and he just stared back wondering what was going on with me.

_''I'll be back Mae, don't worry''_ I took a deep breath and smiled at her _''I'll be back''_

Then she let go of my hand and smiled at me _''I'll wait for you''_

As I went to the bathroom I could not help but think of what had happened earlier. Are the things I heard true, the ones I saw?

Why does everything seem to be moving so fast? I did not prepare for this situation. it never crossed my mind that this would happen.

I immediately washed my face for me to calm down, because I feel like I'm about to explode.

I looked in the mirror and saw my face with anger. I do not understand why I feel this way. why should I feel this? as far as I know, I don't like it.

I was done washing my face when I hear a voice speaking in the background.

 _''I totally understand you, Mew. I understand why you're acting like that.''_ It was Gulf.

_''I didn't follow you here na. needed to pee too''_ as he chuckles as he helps himself.

I didn't mind him and just continued with was I was doing.

I'm done _''I'll go first''_ I told him as he stood there smiling like an idiot. The growing heat inside my chest isn't going away and I don't know why.

I've returned to our table and Gulf was just following me.

_''Let's go Mae? I forgot I still have work to do. I'll bring you home na''_ I told her.

 _''But Gulf just arrived Mew, can't we stay for a while na?''_ another look of her pleading face. I still persuade her.

_''It's okay Khun Mae, let Mew go first. I will bring you home na, Mew and I could meet in some other time na... Right, Mew?''_

The smile on his face as he was saying that made me feel something weird. I'm still trying to read what's happening to me right now.

why someone is here. Someone, whom I do not know.

I just nodded at him and a timid smile. I hugged Saint's Mom _''I'm going now Mae, Call me when you got home na.''_

I turned to Gulf and he was still looking at me as if he wanted to do something. but I ignored that.

I just can't believe it.

.

.

.

**_''I can't believe that he has the heart of the person who has mine''_ **


	4. Meant to be

* * *

_**''The day has finally come, I met the person whom my heart loves. His heart''** _

**Gulf's POV-**

After I dropped Saint's Mom at their house, I went straight to my condo. I remembered I had a lot to do that couldn't finish because I was piled up with my Dad's orders.

I already moved out of my parent's home since I was 17 and been living alone since then, though my Dad's still supports me as he should, I can't ignore the fact

that it's very difficult living alone. I can't really rely on my parents when it comes to my feelings, I couldn't even tell them that I was suffering from my heart, only they found out

when I was already rushed to the hospital.

They said that being an only child is a privilege, but I beg to disagree. Being an only child is sad, too much pressure and less support.

I've been receiving awards and achieving a lot of things without my parents beside me, It's always my auntie and sometimes our driver.

I'm not saying my life is miserable, It's just that it's not that fun like any other teenager in this world, mine has its own taste.

I've been thinking a lot ever since I got this heart, I was lucky enough that someone has donated their heart and willing to help other people who was in need, like me.

Even my parents were informed that I badly needed surgery they seem so cool with it like there's no time being wasted like my life isn't in actual danger.

all these pieces of information were brought by my best friend, First.

_ringing......_

_''What do you want Gulf? I'm busy playing with Ja''_ what a good friend, didn't even say Hi to me.

_''Hi... couldn't you ask me if I'm doing okay? or ask if I'm still alive or what?''_ I said.

_''555 How are you? what's up? are you at home?''_

_''Hmm, yeah just got home''_

_''oh, so? why do you sound like a depressed turtle?''_

_''What the f--- First? what's with the depressed turtle? how'd you know that?''_

_''Gosh, Gulf! It's a joke... by the way, are you available on Saturday? wanna hang out?''_

_''We'll see, also! we have met''_

_''ohhhhhhhh, WHAT????''_

_''Yeah, I finally met him, It's not what I expected tho, but of course, need to understand the situation''_

_''What does he look like? is he handsome?? Tall?? does he smell good??''_ he asked.

_''What the hell First, stop being a jerk! I didn't smell him how would I know his smell, that's creepy as fuck''_

_''C'mon Gulf... I know you well, what does he smell? he handsome or what?''_

_''sigh... Okay okay, he smells good and he has a face''_

_''Everybody does have a face Gulf, so how did you feel? I mean, the owner of that heart...''_

_''I honestly don't know how to react, when I met him earlier I acted cool but I'm dying inside. Felt like my heart gonna explode''_

_''Hey hey babe, your heart exploding is the last thing we want to happen, have you been able to talk with him?''_

_''hm, No. He was so shocked when Saint's Mom introduced me, like okay he has the heart of my son your boyfriend... how would you think he will react seeing a stranger?''_

_''I mean, that's understandable. But a shame you couldn't talk to him''_

_''I understand him tho, It's not easy knowing or even digesting this kind of info, like okay his boyfriend died and donated his heart to some stranger, it would be a total shock for me too if I were him''_

_''So, now that you've met him what would you gonna do now?''_

_''I don't know, It feels like there's something I have to do with him but I don't know why I'm thinking that maybe this is just an illusion because of the heart, It's weird and it's really hard to explain too.''_

_''are you planning on meeting him again?''_

_''Maybe? I still need to say what Saint told me that time, maybe it's because of that''_

_''You talked to Saint? the owner of that...I mean... your heart?''_

_''Yes.''_

**Months ago.**

_''We really need to do a heart transplant as soon as possible and find a suitable donor''_ the doctor told my Dad. I'm awake, but I don't have the energy to open my eyes, I didn't even know what happened to me last night. The last thing I remember was that I was talking with my friend and just having a few drinks when I felt a big pierced through my heart and lost consciousness after that. And now I'm in the hospital.

_''He's too young to be having a surgery doc, do we really need to do this? are there any other options? what if we can't get a donor in time? what will happen to my son?_

**_Die..._ **

I should just die, I'm not doing anything in my life anyways. My Mom hates me, or should I say? My stepmom. I forget, My biological mother abandoned me when I was 2, that's what my father said.

_''Dad.. what happened?''_ As I got the courage to finally wake up.

_''Don't move too much Gulf, just lie still. Do you want to eat something?''_ Wow the first time he sounds so worried while my stepmom giving me a side-eye at the corner of the room.

_''I'm okay Dad, I don't have appetite... by the way, what happened? Why Am I in the hospital?''_

_''I will explain everything to you gulf okay, but for now please rest and don't think too much''_

_''Honey, we have to go now... Leila is alone at home, we should hurry now''_ My stepmom said to my dad. Oh, did I said earlier that I was an only child? Well, the made me feel that way. But I have a sister named Leila, she's the sweetest but only if her Mom isn't with us. I don't know, she doesn't talk to me that much when we are together at home and her mom being around.

_''Go ahead dad, I'll be okay... you should go home now, Leila is alone at home''_ I told him.

_''Just call on the nurses here okay, tell them whatever you feel, big or small, tell them everything. Give me a call anytime whenever you need something''_

_''I will dad, take care and give Leila a kiss for me''_

_''Okay, we're going now.''_

_''Bye Dad, bye Mom'' what would I expect? My stepmom didn't even say goodbye to me, not a glance._

I'm used to it, ever since I was young I was treated by her as air after she married my Dad, but when she was just dating him, all of her attention was for me.

I was like the apple of her eyes, she gives me a lot of gifts and treats me out to carnivals and eat in my favorite restaurants. But after she married my Dad, in just a quick snap she changed.

_''I'm going to die laying here all day in my bed, I need to go out... should I ring the nurses? or not?? Everything will be okay na right? but with all these things connected to my body how am I able to walk normally? ugh... whatever, I just needed fresh air.''_

So without ringing or asking some assistance to the nurses here, I went out and started walking around the hospital. It's kinda difficult because I have to carry this huge ass machine with me, I'm still struggling walking and breathing so I'm stopping from time to time to gasp some air.

As I was passing by the corridor, I hear some music coming from a room, It was very calm music, the thing that I like very much. It's very therapeutic that's why I stopped in front of the room to listen, closing my eyes. I could imagine that I'm running in a green field holding hands with somebody. haaaaay, what a good feeling.

_''Hi?''_ A voice caught up my attention. so I opened my eyes and saw this young pretty man coming out from his bathroom holding a towel and dragging his machine the way I was dragging mine. He was smiling at me.

_''oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to creep you out, I just really liked this kind of music...so I stopped when I heard it''_ Do I sound being defensive?

_''5555 I'm not saying anything Phi... do you want to come in?''_

_''Oh, thank you I would really love to''_ I'm a sucker with this kind of music and he seems nice so why not right?

_''Come in''_

I entered his room, he let me sat beside of his bed. His room is like a therapist room, do you get that feeling? It's all white, there are flowers which I am allergic to, so I am doing my best not to inhale any of those, there is photo frame at his table at the other side of his bed, I couldn't really see it as I don't have my glasses on, so it was a little bit of a blurry. but honestly, I would wish I am in this kind of room. it's very calming.

_''hm, so what's your name?''_ He asked me.

_''Gulf... Gulf Kanawut''_ I smiled.

_''What a nice name, it feels so familiar... have we already met?''_

_''uh, I don't think so, it's the first time me seeing you''_

_''hm, don't mind me, by the way, my name is Saint... nice meeting you''_

_''Nice meeting you Saint, hm so you like this kind of music I assume?''_

_''555 actually, I'm only listening to this kind of muscíc because my boyfriends say to listen to it, I'm not that mellow''_

Oh, he has a boyfriend. I see, he's really pretty and nice, I would expect that. _''aow? really?''_

_''Yes, I assume you like this kind of music???''_

_''I loved it so much, it's like the music of my soul. It makes me feel so calm and make me forget bullshit things that are happening in my life 555''_

_''oh, 5555 that's good... so you need some calming right now? you look tensed, is everything okay with you?''_ he asked me.

_''sigh... things aren't going as I planned, everything is fucked up and I'm here in the hospital, hopeless.''_

_''hopeless? why would you say that? why are you even here at the hospital? what happened to you?''_

_''not that interesting story 555 but yeah, I was talking to a friend and having some drinks when I felt a huge pain in my chest and passed out. Then half awake, I heard that I needed a heart transplant''_

_''oh, I'm sorry to hear that. how do you feel now? are you even allowed walking around? shouldn't you be resting in your bed?_

_''I'm going to die doing nothing in my bed, that's why I walked around then I got here in your miracle room 555''_

_''Miracle room? hahaha that's funny''_

_''I'm saying the truth, I really feel better now, and with this music, wow' 555 by the way, why are you here?''_

_''hmmm, I have a tumor''_

I got speechless when I heard that, he doesn't look like he was suffering that disease, he looks so lively and happy. If I have that illness, I'm probably bawling my eyes and be depressed.

_''I'm sorry...''_ the only word that I uttered. well, this is awkward.

_''Hey! don't be sorry 555, life will throw a lot of trials in you. we couldn't control that, I'm just grateful because I'm still breathing right now 555''_

_''Hey saint, that's not funny! Well, I hope you get well soon''_

_''thank you Gulf, that's what I've been hearing ever since I was admitted here, that's the only language of my boyfriend 555''_

_''You're boyfriend is so lucky having a strong partner like you Saint!!''_ I told him.

_''I'm lucky too, he's always by my side. I kinda felt bad because he's been sacrificing a lot of time so that he could go here and take care of me, but he always telling me that he will do it, whatever happens, that's why I have this lively image, he's always encouraging me''_

_''That's so cute! how long were you two together?''_

_''3 years''_

_''Wow! that's a lot! I'm happy for you Saint, wait... why do I sound like I am friends for you since forever 555 we only met an hour ago 555 I'm sorry''_

_''555 It's okay! I'm glad I've met you, I was getting bored. My boyfriend went out to buy some food, so it's good timing that you are here, eat with us?''_

_''aow Saint, no, I'm good. I should be going now too. As you said, I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be roaming around 555 so I should get back before the nurse find out 555''_

_''Are you sure?''_

_''Yes, thank you for your time, Saint''_

I was about to go out of his room when he pulled my arms and hugged me.

_''Thank you Gulf, I hope we see each other again''_ I was shocked by that sudden hug and got speechless.

_''I really do hope you find a donor right away, hmm, If ever you find one... and get a heart... please tell to that owner's family how much that heart loves them''_

I couldn't understand really what was happening, I just nodded at him and rubbed his back to give courage.

_''Thank you Saint, I really hope I could find one, I'm wishing you a fast recovery! I will visit again here if you don't mind''_

_''I would love that! take care Gulf, thank you for spending time with me. Bye''_

_''Bye Saint... see you soon''_

Then I left his room and went straight to my room and lie in my bed.

-

_''Damn Gulf? isn't that like a huge sign? like his heart was meant to be yours? I'm literally having goosebumps right now''_

_''Honestly, everything hasn't sunken yet. I'm still trying to process everything.''_

_''Their relationship must be so strong if it weren't for his sickness.''_

_''I know, they're perfect together, just the way he described him before... he seems like a good person''_

_''I bet! he really loves Saint so much, must be hard for him.''_

_''It must be very hard''_

**_Silence..._ **

_''Hey gulf? you still there?''_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_'' **Must be hard to accept that someone else is using the heart of the person he loves.''**_


	5. I'm his.

* * *

_**''You deserved to be love, just like you loving me for the past years... Mew, Please try to live for me..''** _

I've been staring at my ceiling for the past 5 hours since I got home, sinking everything that has happened earlier. I couldn't really believe and trying to figure out all of this.

I wish... I wish I didn't go out... I wish I didn't see him...

_ring... ring..._

''What happened? why you're not answering my calls?'' said my friend Mild, well I'm not really in the mood to talk.

''What do you want? I'm tired, can you please call me tomorrow, I want to rest.'' I said.

''Tell me, did you saw him?'' he asked me.

''huh? what do you mean?'' I asked.

''Mew, Saint's mom has been asking me about you and how you were, I don't know... She kinda told me about this guy who got Saint's heart,'' he said.

''Please, I don't want to talk about it... I'm hanging up...''

Then I hung up the phone and took the bottle of water beside my bed...

''I don't even understand why all of this thing is happening to me, SAINTTTT!!!'' I shouted.

''This is all your fault, you left me with all of this... you didn't even tell me about you donating your heart, why? love... why...''

I stood up and went out of my balcony.

Everything is messed up, I don't know what to feel, I don't even know what to do.

My vision suddenly blurred, so I went inside to get my glasses and my jacket because it was getting chilly outside.

I got this strange feeling again, a cold wind just covered my whole body.

He was there in his favorite chair again, my chair, the chair that we bought when we celebrated our 1st anniversary.

he was wearing a white polo shirt, if I remember, I bought it for him.

he was barefoot and was holding the flower that he gave me... I remember that well, I couldn't forget that because I was really happy that time.

I felt anger towards him.

''What do you want from me ha??? You will show up like nothing happened? without saying anything?

why did you do that without telling me ha? I thought we would all tell each other everything?''

He just looked at me and smiled.

''What are you smiling for huh? SPEAK!! tell me everything! Explain everything to me!! do everything so that I could understand this situation that I am in''

he stood up and approached me, he gave me the flower and he hugged me so tight.

I couldn't help but cry.

''Do you know how hard this is for me? I wanted to be strong but every night... All I do is cry while shouting your name... I wanted to be strong love... but what can

I do? what can I do if you're my strength? huh? you are not here, you are not by my side?? do you know how hard it is for me?!!''

I felt his hugged tightened.

''talk to me love, please... what should I do? please tell me... please help me''

then another cold wind blew on me and suddenly regained my consciousness because my phone rang.

I immediately looked at who was calling but it was just a number, normally I wouldn't answer some stranger's call but for no reason, I answered the call.

The silence was the first thing I felt when I answered the call, the cold air suddenly disappeared and was replaced by this warm feeling.

''hello? hello??'' the caller repeatedly said.

''he..llo?'' I answered back.

''Hello! I didn't think you would answer my call right away Mew? wait... did you have my number already? he said.

''Who is this?' I said.

''looks like it wasn't saved at all, 555! It's Gulf! how are you?'' you can feel the excitement and joy in his voice.

''Why did you call? I asked him.

''I just wanted to ask If you're available on Saturday? just wanted to tell you something. but if you're not available then tell me when so I could

adjust'' he said with a very soft voice.

''you can tell it to me now, Gulf'' I demanded.

''C'mon Mew, don't worry I won't bite you 555,''

I laughed a little at what he said.

''Alright, Can I tell you tomorrow night? I still need to know my schedule at work. If they need someone on saturday.'' I told him.

''take your time Mew, I could wait. I'm just one call away. Now that you have my number 555, rest well Mew.''

while he was saying that, there was something weird in my heart, the familiarity, My heart knows something.

''Goodnight, Thank you'' then I hunged up.

Saturday -

For no reason, I woke feeling light and warm. A good mood I must say? It's been a while since I had a good sleep, and even a good mood the moment I wake up.

''Is it because of saint's dream? or.... shut up Mew, you don't know that guy okay...'' I'm talking to myself when suddenly my mom barged in my room.

''Are you awake na?'' she said.

''Ma!.. can you knock first? Yes, I'm awake...'' I told her with annoyance.

''Then go eat, you told me that you're meeting someone today? who is it? a new boyfriend?''

''Ma, can you please stop. I already have a boyfriend... please...''

''Okay Mew, go downstairs to eat... take a shower first, and maybe shave a little okay? make yourself look presentable.'' then my mom went out.

Why? why do I have to look presentable? It's not that I'm going to a date.. ''sighhh''

I got up and fixed my bed, and went straight to that bathroom.

I was busy washing when I heard my phone ring... someone is calling, so I got out while there's still soap all over my body.

''hello???'' I said.

''Hello, Mew!!! what's up? you woke up so early, I didn't even expect you to answer my call...hmm I was just trying...'' 

''huh? I'm sorry what are you saying again?? sorry I didn't hear it...''

''aww, wait are you in a shower????'' he asked.

''ahhmm.. yeah, hehe can I call you back?'' I told him.

''damn Mew, 555 you could have answered it later haha, I'm sorry for disturbing you... call me back when you finished...''

then I hung up the phone...

''what the fuck did just happened ?? Did I really answer that call? you're crazy Mew!!''

I finally finished taking a bath and preparing all my things.

''Maaa!! have you seen my red t-shirt?'' 

''Mew, I don't know... I'm not touching your things since 4 months ago... so stop asking me...''

''ughhhh... I want to wear that red t-shit...'' Honestly, it was a gift from Saint... my favorite T-shirt, it has his scent of perfume even though I wash it thoroughly.

it's weird... that's why I couldn't replace that shirt.

While I'm so occupied searching what to wear like I'm going to a very important meeting, I found this white polo shirt that I've been using since I was a young an decided to wear it.

Now, I am just waiting for that guy's call.

''weird, It's almost lunch... he hasn't called me yet''.

So I tried to contact him but the line is busy.

''What's wrong with this guy?''

Now, I'm feeling annoyed. I woke up so early to prepare for this day and he will ditch me? wtf... istg''

I went downstairs.

''What's wrong? what are you frowning for Mew? are you going now?'' My mom asked me.

''I don't think so, that guy didn't call me, I don't know where we would meet up... he fucking ditch me''

''Mew! watch your words, please! Why are you so upset? this is the first time I saw you like that'' she said.

''Well! I don't know Mom? Maybe because I got ditched? I hate it so much...''

''Can you calm down for a second? you don't know what happened to him, maybe he got into traffic, his phone died or something. try to understand okay Mew?''

Okay, it could be. but he should have called me or text me. hmm, Okay, let me call him again.

_Ring... Ring... Ring..._

_''Hello? Do you know the owner of this phone?''_

That was the first thing I heard.

_''ugh, I'm sorry is this Gulf? who are you?''_

_''Hi sir, Is the owner of this phone named Gulf?''_

_''Yeah, If I didn't forget it... who are you? why do you have his phone?''_

_''Oh, he fainted at the parking lot and now we are at the hospital... do you know him sir?''_

_''Excuse me what?? which hospital? can you please tell me all the details, I'm on my way...''_

'..... ...... ....... ................ ........''

_''Okay thank you, I'm on my way...''_

''What happened Mew? where are you going??''

''Let's talk later Mom, I'm in a hurry please...''

''Hey Mew! please take care kha... call me later okay!''

''Bye Mom!!''

then I got into my car and drive right away to the address that the guy gave me, where Gulf is admitted.

after half an hour of drive, I arrived at the hospital and quickly went straight to the reception area.

''Gulf Kanawut...where is he?'' I asked the nurse at the reception.

''What's the last name Sir?'' she asked.

''It's KANAWUT, please where is he?'' 

''He's still in the ICU sir, kindly fill up this form, are you his family?''

I got speechless for while, 

''Sir? Are you his family sir?''

.

.

.

''I'm his.... boy... I'm his boyfriend''


	6. Stay with me

* * *

_**''My mind malfunctioned as soon as I arrived at the hospital, everyone is busy, all the doctors are coming in and out from the room where my heart is. I saw his Mom crying outside** _ _**of the room, his dad is talking to the doctor. and me, standing right before the room. I couldn't move my feet, I am sweating cold and trembling... not until I was approached by a nurse''** _

* * *

' _'Sir? are you his boyfriend? can you fill up this form and can I get your ID?''_

I snapped right away with my own thought...

_''Yes I am... his boyfriend... where do I need to sign?''_

I asked the nurse while still panting because I run from the parking lot till inside the hospital.

_''Just fill up this paper and my co-worker will assist you to the waiting area, unfortunately, Mr.Kanawut is still in the ICU.''_

The nurse said, I am still confused and very scared, I could feel my heart beating like it's about to explode.

''Thank you _, by the way, do you know what happened to him?''_ I asked the nurse.

'' _hm, I heard that he fainted right away when he got out from his car, he was at the nearby mall... let's wait for the doctor na kha, I will tell him that you are his family''_

Then her co-worker assisted me in a nearby room, '' _What is this feeling...''_

I called my friend mild to calm my nerves because I can feel my anxiety is acting up.

_ring... ring..._

_''Hello Mild! talk to me please...''_

_''Mew?? why?? what happened?? where are you??_ he asked me.

_''I'm in the hospital right now...''_

_''what? what are you doing there... which hospital I'm coming...''_

_''no, no... calm down... It wasn't me, it's someone I know''_

_''I almost died because of worry Mew! please finish your sentence first, you got me scared there... by the way who was in the hospital?''_

_''It's Gulf,''_

_''Gulf??? the one who got Saint's heart? OMG what happened to him??_

_''I still don't know mild, but I feel scared, it feels like its all coming back... the pain...''_

_''Hey, listen to me... he's not Saint okay! focus, breath! I don't want to you to lose consciousness there...''_

_''I know it's not Saint, but I feel so scared and I can't help it... he is still in the ICU, we were supposed to meet today... but when called him, someone answered and told me that he is in the hospital. I don't know what to do, I panicked, and now I am here waiting... I really hope that nothing serious happened mild, I could afford this kind of situation.''_

_''Calm down, everything will be okay. you want me to come there?''_

_''Honestly, I would love to, but I know you have work tomorrow, I don't want to bother you... like you said, I'll be okay Mild... I will just wait for the doctor to be enlightened''_

_''Are you sure? I really don't mind Mew. C'mon, you're my friend...''_

_''I'm really okay... I will call you again later okay! thank you Mild...''_

Then I hang up the call.

I am sitting inside the room feeling cold, It's not about the airconditioned of the room but something cold is inside me and I cant understand why.

I know I am being overly dramatic and overthinking. But what can I do? I don't want to experience this kind of thing again. 

I am still fidgeting when I heard a knock on the door that made me stand up right away.

_''Sir?...''_

_''Suppasit...''_

_''Sir Suppasit about your partner--''_

_''What happened to him doc?''_ The doctor got a little bit shock, by the way, I reacted so I calmed myself down, _''I'm sorry doc...''_

_''About the patient, your partner, he is stable now, the cause of his fainting was over fatigue, his heart rate got really low so we need to put him in an emergency room,_

_if it weren't for the people who saw him when he fainted, he wouldn't probably make it. but right now he's transferred to a room so you can just ask the reception about his room number.''_

_''Thank you Doc, Are you sure he's okay now?''_

_''he's stable, but we have to monitor his heart rate, he needs to stay in the hospital for observations''_

_''Okay Doc, Thank you very much''_

I went straight to the reception and asked for the room number right away.

_''Hi, can I ask the room number of Mr. Gulf Kanawut who was transferred from ICU?''_

_''ohh, are you his boyfriend Sir?''_ She asked me, like what's up with this nurse sticking her nose into someone else's business.

'' _ah, can I have the room number please.._.''

'' _Oh, of course, here sir... It's room 0126... you must be Mew, sorry Sir, but I really do find it cute, I just wanted to share it with you. I just heard this from our medical team who picked up your boyfriend... he was holding a single sunflower... it was weird because the whole flower was covered with plastic and there's a name... Mew, and he held it till they got here in the hospital...''_

I don't know what to do with all of this oversharing story, but something inside me is happening, my heartbeat is getting faster, _''oh, Thank you fro sharing...''_

_''No worries Sir, you should hurry up and see your boyfriend Sir, room 0126''_

Then I walk away from her and started looking for his room. Then after a few minutes of looking, I found it.

but soon as I touch the doorknob I felt something, a rush of emotions through my feet up to my head. I closed my eyes and started tearing up.

_''What have you done to me... Saint, why are you letting me experience this again...''_

after a few seconds, I go back through my senses, I breathe deeply and open the door. There, the guy lying on his bed.

I approached till I am beside him. I examined his face, he got pretty fair looks. not bad at all, his eyelashes were long, his cheeks are fluff and lips are bold,

Honestly, he looks like a kid while sleeping. I am being mesmerized by him when he moved his fingertips and speak.

_''Where am I?''_ he asked while his eyes were still closed. he kept on repeating it, and I answered him, _''You're In the hospital Gulf.''_

The moment he heard my voice, he opened his eyes and reached for my hands and held it, _''Please don't leave me here alone...''_ his eyes looked terrified.

_''I am not going anywhere Gulf...calm down''_

_''Don't leave... everyone is leaving me,_ _I_ _don't want to be alone... please Dad, don't leave me...I'm afraid''_

I am left speechless and he called me his dad, somehow I felt pain inside my chest. I don't know why but his voice when he said it, when he called me his dad, it sounded so delicate and fragile. I don't know where his dad is or what even triggered him to call me his dad.

_''Gulf, close your eyes... rest, you're still not okay...''_ I told him.

he let go of my hand and closed his eyes, I adjust the blanket and tucked him in, _''Take all your time to rest Gulf, I won't be leaving...''_

Then as I am adjusting his blanket he suddenly grabbed my hand and put it near his chest. I was caught off-guard and don't know what to do so I let him be.

I sat beside him so my hands won't go anywhere.

_''Rest...rest Gulf...''_ I whispered.

then he moved a bit,

**_''Stay with me... Mew,''_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry, this is just a little update na kha!  
> thank you for reading until now, I'll work hard and try to update as much as I can.  
> Work reasons T_T
> 
> Stay safe always na...
> 
> Connect with me on twitter: @Kanamewjpeg
> 
> Rak na kha!


	7. lucky

* * *

**_''But how can I do that? Please don't say such things! you're not going anywhere Saint... you're staying here with me''_ **

* * *

_''You're staying here''..._ I told Gulf who just woken up from his long sleep.

 _''No, I have to go... I don't have any money to pay the bills and my dad will kill me if he knew about this...''_ he told me.

_''What? Why would he do that Gulf? you are in the hospital... and he is your dad.''_ I explained to him calmly.

He looked at me and covered his whole body with the blanket, _''I don't even wanna show my face to you Mew...''_

_''What do you mean? Gulf, take it off from your body, it's really hot...''_

_''This isn't supposed to happen in the first place...''_ then he released a deep sigh

He is still covering his body with the blanket, refusing to talk to me, refusing to show his face to me.

I don't know but I found it cute, even though I hate it, I feel good being with him and it's just been a while.

_''Gulf, c'mon! what do you want to eat? I'll buy it for you.''_ I asked him twice but he just shook his head.

 _''I'm okay Mew, you can go home. I can handle myself from here... thank you very much and I ma really sorry if I caused you trouble''_ he said.

_''Do you want pad Thai? do you want soup?''_ I continued asking him but received the same response.

I didn't stop there so I asked him once again, _''Do you like krapao?''_ the moment I said that he turned around and looked at me with his big eyes.

_''I told you I'm okay Mew; it's okay, I'm not hungry''_ he told me but his face says otherwise, _''I'll buy it for you. you like krapao right? your face says it 555''_

 _''Mew...''_ He looked at me with annoyance but I know deep inside him, he is already salivating, _''What? I told you I buy it for you so just stay here, don't go anywhere''_

Then I took my way out and started looking for that dish, _''So he likes krapao, very different from saint, saint hates krapao because it's oily.''_

As I am walking, I passed by to this stall of fresh fruits. I remember Saint. We used to hangout here a lot, he likes fruits so we became a regular customer here.

The vendor recognized me and called me, _''Khun Mew!! Sawadee krub, how are you?''_

 _''Sawadee krub Phi, I am good... how are you? it's been a while..''_ I told him.

_''Still surviving, how about you and Khun Saint? how is he?''_ he asked me.

 _''He's home, he's okay... Phi, I have to go now I'm looking for something''_ Then I bid my goodbye.

I don't know why but I couldn't tell him that Saint already passed a long time ago.

Well, I have to look for this dish for Gulf and quickly return so he could eat.

Finally, I found one restaurant that sells this food and quickly buy and returned to the hospital.

I was about to enter the hospital and on my way to Gulf's room when I heard nurses swarming outside his room.

So I quickly went there and ask the nurses what is happening.

 _''Excuse me, sorry can I pass, sorry, what is happening?''_ I repeatedly ask them but no one notices me.

So I shouted and everyone on the floor looked at me.

_''I asked, what is happening??????''_

Then one nurse approached me, _''I'm sorry Sir, but the patient was transferred to a different hospital. his Mom came,''_

 _''his Mom?''_ I asked the nurse.

_''Yes sir, it was his Mom who transferred him.''_

_''Okay, do you know which hospital was he transferred ?_ I asked her.

_''I'm sorry sir but the mother asked not to tell anybody about this information''_ she said.

_''Wait! is that allowed? I am his boy...- I am his boyfriend. I have the right to know it...''_

_''We informed his mother Sir that you have been with her Son, and we identify you to her that you are his boyfriend... but his mother got angry and told us that...-''_

_''It's okay... I understand, but did he say something? the patient? I was just out for a few minutes and he's already gone.''_

_''He did ask us to give you this sir,''_ then the nurse gave me the sunflower.

_''he asked us to give this to you and tell you that you have to keep it until the day that you'll see each other again...''_

In my head, it was kinda dramatic of Gulf, it's like we won't see each other anymore.

_''Sir, not to be that person, but I think his mom is against you, I heard her, she said to your boyfriend that she won't_ _let him meet you again''_

I stood there confused, why would his mom do that? his mom didn't even know me.

 _''oh,, thank you for the information... where can I settle the bills by the way?''_ I asked.

_''oh, It was already settled by his Mom sir, you don't have to worry. hm, I have to go back to my unit now sir.''_

_'wait... why were you swarming outside his room and didn't noticed me until I shouted?''_

_''Oh, that? we were just talking, I'm really sorry about this sir, I know this is very unprofessional but, we were talking about how the patient loves you.''_

I was stunned by what I am hearing, Love? how could he love me? I think this is just a misunderstanding. And I know it's my fault.

If I didn't say that I'm his boyfriend then all of these things won't happen. It's just my stupidity.

 _''Oh,,, really? well, I don't really know what to say but thank you...''_ I was so awkward.

_''Be strong sir! I know in the future, his mom will accept both of you... you look so lovely together...''_ she smiled and went off.

I decided to go home too, holding the plastic bag of krapao, and the sunflower.

_''What the hell am I even doing? this is so not you Mew... a flower? it's been a while since I received a flower...'_

I didn't notice that I am unconsciously smiling. _''What the hell Mew! stop.''_

I went inside my car and turned on my radio so I could maybe calm my head.

then this song came up.

_** ''Ooh you know I've been alone for quite a while, haven't I. ** _

_**I thought I knew it all Found love but I was wrong.** _

_**More times than enough But since you came along ** _

_** I'm thinking baby''** _

_** - ** _

_** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5P1R6CRsoM> ** _

_''What? what is this song...''_ I was stunned and tried to change it but I couldn't.

So while I'm driving I am listening to this song. I know, I am just exaggerating. the song doesn't have any meaning. 

After a few minutes, I arrived home and welcomed by my Mom.

_''Mew!!! I was calling you nonstop! why wouldn't you answer it? I was so worried.''_ Now I know where'd I get my dramatic ass.

_''Long story short Mom, I am tired.''_

_''have you eaten?''_ she asked me.

_''I will later, but can I rest first Mom? this day has been really exhausting. Please''_

Then she finally let go of me, So I went straight to my room and laid on my bed right away.

_''I am really that tired that I am lying here on my bed with my dirty clothes... I'm too lazy to get up''_

As I am spreading my arms in my bed I remember something, So I took my phone inside my pocket and look at it.

_''Is he okay? is he really like this? don't know to inform other people?...''_

I closed my eyes... _''Why do I even care''_

And didn't notice, that I fell asleep.

After a few hours, I finally woke up.

As I open my eyes, I quickly searched for my phone and received multiple missed calls from an unknown number.

and there's a message too. So I opened it.

**_''I am sorry, I didn't tell you that I am leaving the hospital. My Mom came, I couldn't do anything._ **

**_If I have another chance, let's see each other again.''_ **

Then I opened the second message.

_**''I am really happy that I get to meet you, this is the first time that someone took care of me willingly.** _

_**thankyou for being with me throughout the whole time Mew, I really appreciate it.''** _

Then the last one.

_**''He's lucky to have you.''** _

after reading all those messages, I tried calling him.

but the line is already out of service.

_**''Why are you doing this to me... Gulf'''** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading na kha! please leave a comment if you like this story so that I know and maybe gain  
>  inspiration and motivation to continue this.
> 
> Ps. As all of you may or may not aware of the current situation in Thailand, I encourage you to please look out for the tag
> 
> ''Whatishappeninginthailand''
> 
> and help our brothers and sisters to be heard. :)  
> keep safe na kha!
> 
> conncet with me on twitter: @Kanamewjpeg


	8. Move forward

* * *

_**Gulf's POV... (before the incident happened)** _

_''Did you asked Ja if they can reserve that place on the 26th of January next year?''_ I told First who called me to talk about some business ideas.

 _''Nah, Do you want me to ask him? we could meet right now, I'll pick you up...''_ he said.

_''No, I can't...''_

_''Why?? what are you gonna do today?''_ he asked me.

_''I'm meeting Mew today.''_ then he got silent, _''Hello?? First? are you still there??''_

_''oh, sorry! I replied to Ja, what again? what did you say?''_

_''I said... I'm meeting Mew today, we're going to eat together... hm, honestly I don't have any idea what we're gonna do, I can ask him later.''_ I told first.

_''Gulf? are you running? why are you panting??? I can hear your deep breathes until here...''_

_''Huh? what do you mean? I'm in my car right now.''_

_''You sound so exhausted, are you okay? sounds like you're running out of breath...''_

_''Stop being paranoid First, I'm all good. I'll call you again later... hanging up bye''_

Then I hanged up on First.

I decided to drive around the town to look for some good places so that I can call Mew and tell him to meet me there, or maybe I could pick him up.

but knowing him for a while, I know he's still annoyed by me. After going around the place, I decided to buy something at the mall so I drove inside and parked my car.

I didn't eat anything even for breakfast, I didn't have much sleep too, I felt weird but I ignored it.

I went out of my car when I felt something so hot inside my heart and my vision turned black in 3 seconds and my head hurt so bad.

I blinked and it came back but I felt cold and had a very painful pierced inside my chest.

after that, I woke up seeing Mew beside me.

* * *

at the hospital-

_''Do you like krapao? I will buy it for you Gulf...''_ Mew told me.

 _''I'm okay MEw, don't bother! I'm really okay...''_ I told him while I'm covering my whole body with a blanket.

_''Take that off, It's hot Gulf! you'll faint again you'll see!''_ Mew worriedly told me.

_''You can go home Mew, I'm good, I can handle myself from here... thank you!''_

_''Okay, I'll buy krapao and we'll eat together... you stay here okay! don't go anywhere...''_ he told me.

He took his bag and went out of my room. I can't help but trace his wide back while tagging away from me.

I don't understand why he's being kind to me, maybe because this is my situation? he pities me? maybe that's the case.

I'm not really used to be taken care of, not that I'm aware... I know my dad will get angry once he knew that I'm here. 

I don't even wanna let him know I'm in the hospital. It's just another day for him, I love my dad so much but I don't know if it's the same for him.

I can hear my stomach growling, I'm just so lucky that Mew is here, for once, someone is taking care of me.

I closed my eyes while waiting for him when I heard the door of my room open.

 _''Mew, you're back right away?''_ I said while my eyes are still close.

_''What drama is this now Gulf?? aren't you tired seeking attention? ha? you want that so bad?''_

I got shocked by the voice who spoke, It's my step mom's voice. so I opened my eyes and there I saw her standing in front of me, arms locked.

I got up from my bed, _''Mom! what are you doing here?''_ My eyes widened as she comes closer.

_''Gulf, I told you don't call me Mom, no need to act, your dad is not here... I know how much you hated me so enough with this bullshit okay.''_

_''Mom, what do you mean? I never hated you...''_

_''Do you think I believe that shit? what happened to you now? you're making my head dizzy! really!!"_

I really don't know what to respond to my stepmom, I am shocked and at the same time in pain about what she told me.

I don't even know how she found me here.

_''I'm okay Mom, you can go. Don't worry I won't ask dad for help...''_

_''Who told you I'm here because I'm worried??? I'm here to transfer you to another hospital''_

Transfer me? to another hospital? why?? why will she transfer me to another hospital ??

_''I don't need to be transferred mom, you don't have to, you can go, I'm okay...''_

Then the doctor entered the room and suddenly My stepmom turned into a fucking angel...

**_''I am just waiting for his results then we can transfer him to your desired hospital Madame''_** The doctor said to my mom.

I was about to speak when my mom looked at me with her big round eyes, telling me to dare to talk and I'll get in trouble.

I don't know why but I just shut my mouth and all the questions of the doctor my answer was always yes.

My mom went out with the doctor and 2 nurses entered my room to prepare for my transfer.

_''Are you okay Sir?''_ one nurse asked me.

 _''I'm not, I'm not okay... I don't want to go''_ I said.

_''honestly Sir, I don't understand too why you have to be transferred. Your Mom insisted it and got very agitated at the doctor when the doctor said you don't need it.''_

_''I know, It's my mom. anyways I'm sorry, I'm just tired.''_

_''but... he's still not coming?''_ I asked the nurse.

_''Who sir?''_

_''ah, hmm... My... boy... friend? my boyfriend went out to buy food. is he not coming yet?''_ I said to the nurse and they both looked at each other and giggled.

_''Sorry sir, we still haven't seen him yet, we'll let you know if he's here...''_

_''But I don't think I have time to wait, hmm, can I ask a favor? If ever he didn't make it on time till my transfer, can you give him that sunflower? and tell him I'm looking forward to seeing him again...please?_

_''Tell him, I will see him again''_

* * *

It's been a week since I got that text messages from Gulf, and still couldn't contact him.

I don't know why but I'm still clueless why did he disappear just like that, I kept calling him but his number is out of reach.

Even Saint's mom told me she couldn't reach Gulf.

 _''Why am I even expecting him to contact me? just move on Mew...''_ I told myself.

I laid down on my bed, arms spread _''You don't even know that guy well... let's just do what we're doing Mew, stop thinking''_ then I closed my eyes.

I rolled on my bed trying to find my sleep, ever since that day I couldn't sleep well, It's not that I'm thinking about him but...

 _''Mew!!! Stop!!!''_ I opened my eyes and suddenly it became so dreamy... _''Wait? am I dreaming again?''_

I looked around and as usual, it's the same scenario.

 _''Saint...''_ I uttered. He is here again but why am I feeling this way? it's like just another day, it's so normal not like before that I feel excited, angry, or hurt.

but right now, the love of my life is in my dream again but I'm not doing anything.

 _''What do you want me to do Saint?''_ I asked him, I know it's a dream, I am aware of that so I'm taking advantage maybe he'll say something. maybe I'll get my answers from my questions.

but like me, he's just staring at me, not talking, no flowers, no hugs. It's just him sitting there and looking at me with empty emotions.

_''I don't know what you want me to do Saint, I don't know how to move forward if you keep doing this... if you keep showing up and leaving me again and again, aren't you tired?''_

_Then he got up, and he uttered my name. ''Mew... Mew... Mew...''_ 3 times like what he always does.

 _''Mew!!! Mew!!! Mew!!!''_ then I felt a light tap on my face. I opened my eyes and there I saw Mild waking me up.

_''Hey Mew!!! wake up!! are you okay?''_

_''What the hell Mild, did you just slapped me?''_ I told him while touching my face.

_''I thought you're having a nightmare you stupid''_ he said.

I took a deep breath, _''Why you're here? what do you want?''_

_''Nothing, I just want to tell you that my friend is inviting me to Phuket, you know him,''_

_''Who??''_ I asked him, _''It's Kao, It's his birthday! wanna come? he asked me if you're available and I told him that I need to ask you first.''_

_''Oh, Kao? hm, Let's see. when is it?''_

_''Tomorrow night! c'mon, you have to get away Mew, you need to breathe fresh air. we'll get back the next morning if you want''_ Mild said while convincing me.

_''Okay okay! I know it's been a while since I went to Phuket. So you went here just to say that?''_

_''Well, My mom wanted to give something to your mom so I went here, Plus! for your information I really don't want to go here it's just that my mom forced me. so don't feel special''_

_''Shut up! now go away, I wanted to rest!''_ as I shooed him away.

_''Okay! don't push me!... ahhh Mew! did Gulf contacted you?_

I got silent for a while, and don't know what to say, _''I'm not interested...''_

_''what? interested? in him? I didn't say if you're interested in him or what, I said if he texted you already? you told me he disappear at the hospital right?''_

_''Yeah, What I'm trying to say is that I'm not interested in talking about it, it's better this way, I don't even know him that well, so no need to be attached''_ _._

_''But looks like you're already attached eh? 55555''_

_''You wanna die? I'm not an easy man, let him live his life, if he wanted to ghost me then I will thank him, no big deal.''_

_''no big deal? then why are you acting like a boyfriend who got dumped? and ghost? isn't that a term for those mutual relationships who didn't go well?''_

_''You know if you still want your mom to see you alive then get the fuck away from my face and stop mentioning that guy.''_

_''Who? Gulf? the one who ghosted you? 555555''_

_''Mild!!! you better stop or... just go home please,''_

_''It's okay Mew, just express your disappointment and admit it that you're still hoping he will text you and explain why he disappeared that day''_

_''I am not expecting okay, even if he texts me or not it will not be a big deal... go away''_

_''okay okay, as you said''_ Mild said while smirking and walking away from me...

I hate this guy so much, what does he think of me? an easy man? like, with just one text I'll be all over the place? what the fuck not.

.

.

.

.

ring... ring...

.

.

.

.

I looked at my phone, someone is calling me and it's just a number.

.

.

.

I followed my guts and answered the call.

.

.

.

.

_**''Hello, Mew.''** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**''Hello?''** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**''GULF??????''** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**''Hi Mew, how are you?''** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this little update,  
> I am so stressed these past few weeks,  
> I hope you're still with me huhuhuhuh.  
> Please let me know if this story is getting boring, I want your feedback so I know  
> what will I do next ;( but honestly I really love this story it grew within me already TT
> 
> anyways thank you for reading xx love you!
> 
> connect with me on Twitter: @Kanamewjpeg
> 
> i love you na kha ;3


	9. Left, twice

* * *

_**''Hello,Mew''** _

_**The moment I heard his voice, I felt something weird, I admit it's a good feeling... but why?** _

* * *

_''Hello,Mew''_

_''Hello???''_

_._

_._

_._

_''Gulf????!!!!''_

Then a few seconds of silence filled the phone call. I spoke again, just double-checking it.

_''Is this you Gulf?''_

_''uhm... Hi, yes it is me''_

_''Where are you????''_ I asked him.

_''I'm home now, how about you? I'm really sorry for the last time I.-''_ He didn't have the chance to finish his sentence because I cut him off.

_''Are you okay now? what happened? why did your mom transfer you? what did the doctor say? is there a problem with your heart???_

_''Woah, Woah, Mew! calm down, breathe! you don't have to rush me with your questions. you have all my time so don't worry.''_

I don't know but I feel so relieved that I'm talking with Gulf now, My heart is at ease.

_''What happened to you Gulf? care to explain? why I couldn't contact you?''_

_''It's a long story Mew, and it's better if you don't know about it. Let's just move on from that,''_ he said.

_''okay, as long as you are alive then it's all good. by the way where's your home?''_

_''huh?''_

_''What huh? I'm asking where's your home so I could visit you''_

_''Ohh, no need Mew, I am going out with a friend right now, I'm just calling you just to let you know that I'm okay. and I kinda feel bad''_

_''Feel bad about what? from disappearing from me and not telling me what exactly happened?''_

_''Mew... I'm really sorry okay, I didn't expect that... I was shocked like you...''_

_''Wait what? why are you shock? didn't you knew that your mom will transfer you??''_

_''you know, let's talk about other things okay, do you know the series **Like in the movies???''**_

_''No, stop changing the subject Gulf, I need to know what is happening to you''_

_''Can I ask why??''_ Gulf exclaimed.

_''Well, you disappeared on me, right?''_ I said.

_''Look, Mew, I'm really sorry for disappearing just like that... can we move on and talk about other things?''_ he said. Why though? why do we need to talk about other things, I don't understand.

_''Talk about what, Gulf?''_ I asked him because I really don't have any idea.

_''well, okay... Can we meet again?''_ his voice suddenly changed.

_''meet? when?''_ I asked.

_''Right now.''_

**_''Why...''_ **

I asked myself over and over again when I hanged up the phone. I know this isn't a big deal but why I feel otherwise.

_''ugh, my head hurts''_ while rolling on my bed like an idiot.

_''Mom!!! do I go out or nah?''_ I screamed my lungs out.

then my Mom responded, _''Just ask him to be your boyfriend Mew!! stop stalling!''_ she said. What the actual fuck Mom? who asks who!

I got up and went out on the balcony, maybe this is all I needed.

the moment I went out, the cold wind greeted me like it's been a while, what's annoying is I kept hearing Gulf's voice.

**_''Can we meet again?''_** **....** It kept on lingering inside my head, and what's annoying is, his voice is so clear as if he is whispering it in my ear.

honestly? what is wrong with me? Do I lack sleep? am I not eating enough? I've been like this ever since I got out of that hospital.

_''Yeah, that hospital,''_ I whispered to myself. Ever since that day, weird things are happening to me.

_''Your boyfriend loves you so much,... I know everything will be fine...I think his Mom is against you...''_

It's insane! _why_ would they think like that, do we give off that kind of vibes? I'm barely beside him that time so I don't understand why...-

Then I got cut off midway, the cold wind suddenly disappeared. _''the dream''_ yes it's starting again, that my boyfriend is visiting me again.

I sat down at the chair outside the balcony and waited for him. this is the sign that I will enter my world with him.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath... _''I'm ready Saint, show yourself to me... please''_

But while saying those things, while saying my boyfriend's name, I am seeing another face.

It's not him... I know my boyfriend well. but this man who is slowly approaching me inside my dream is for sure not Saint.

I'm trying to get a hold of him, trying to recognize his face... I'm trying to confirm that this is indeed my boyfriend.

When he got closer, my eyes suddenly opened. and like I am panting, who's that? and he was holding something that isn't clear.

I got up, _''what the hell''_ I said to myself still gasping for air.

I'm left being so frustrated that I got up and went inside my room and called my friend.

_''Help me.''_ I said the moment he answered my call.

_''What happened???''_ he sounds so worried.

_''Calm down, I'm just frustrated right now and I don't know what to do.''_

_''Frustrated about what?''_ he asked.

_''I talked to Gulf...''_

_''And?''_

_''he..he wanted''_

_''he wanted what Mew?? Money?? what? use your mouth...''_

_''Shut up! he wanted to meet up... again...''_

_''and why are you frustrated tho?''_

_''Why??? why should I not?''_

_''55555 stupid ass, why would you feel frustrated only because he wanted to meet you again? when in fact when_

_you can't get a hold of him you seem very much disappointed and FRUSTRATED? and now you being like that??''_

_''you know you're not helping ...''_

_''Mew, what do you feel? really? why are you being like this?''_

I got silent when he asked me that and decided to end the call.

_''I'm hanging up... you're useless''_

_''555 fuck you Mew" stop overthinking okay. you're just stress... you should be happy, you have a new friend in the process... maybe you can_

_find comfort in Gulf, plus he has your boyfriend's heart. so don't think too much..''_

then I hanged up.

_''A friend in the process? has my boyfriend's heart?''_

That's the problem! he has my boyfriend's heart, I don't know how to act or how to approach him. why Am I being in this kind of situation?

I spread my arms in my bed and try not to think too much like what Mild told me then my phone rang.

_''Mild, please not now...''_ I answered without looking at the name.

_''Are you okay Mew?''_

Then I sat up right away, it's not Mild. It's Gulf.

_''Gulf????''_

_''Are you okay? what happened? why you sound so... sounds like you are not in a good mood...''_

_''uh, no no, I was on a call with mild, and I thought it was mild again pestering me, I didn't look before answering''_

_''but are you okay tho?''_

_''ah, yeah don't mind me.''_

_''So, are you available tonight? can we meet? have dinner? I promise I wont end up in a hospital 5555''_

I laughed, like LOL!!! what is wrong with me? that isn't even funny....

_''For sure, I'm not having being left twice...''_

_''C'mon! stop being bitter over that''_

_''bitter who?''_

_''Mew, 55555 I'm sorry okay, I'll make it up to you. My treat tonight.''_

_''As it should, Gulf!''_

_''So 8 pm? I'll pick you up.''_

_''You don't even know my house, I'll just meet you there.''_

_''there? you didn't even know where should we meet''_

_''Let's go there,''_

_''where??''_

_''the restaurant where we first met...''_

_''hmmmm, okay! sounds okay for me... then see you there?''_

_''See you Gulf,''_

_....be sure to be there...''_

_''5555, I will... don't worry Mew!''_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm really sorry about this short update,   
> I'm really busy but I will try my best to update from time to time.  
> I hope you are all still with me.
> 
> What do you think will happen when they meet again? are they going to meet or another trial will  
> come on their way? .... stay with me, in the end, na kha! let's find out what will happen.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comment section :)  
> connect with me on Twitter: @Kanamewjpeg
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH NA KHA-
> 
> -EYSIA


	10. Mysterious face, My Sunflower?

* * *

**_''Mysterious face, Is it you Saint? My love, are you angry at me?''_ **

* * *

_''You're going out tonight?''_ My Mom asked me.

_''Mom please, not now. I'm busy preparing.''_

_''Preparing? since when you got the motivation to prepare yourself?, hmm, I see. you also got a haircut?''_

_''Ma! I cut it myself okay, I didn't spend money so don't worry.''_

_''Well, that's more impressive? Mew? remember I've been begging you for months to cut your hair or even shave, but I didn't get any action at that time.''_

_''Just say it, Mom what are you trying to imply?_ I told her while putting my socks on.

_''Be careful Mew, Just be careful,''_ she said with a sad look in her eyes.

I stood up and hugged her, _'' you don't have any reason to worry Mom, I know what I'm doing.''_

She hugged me tighter, _''I know Son, so... you are not eating here?''_

 _''I'm seeing Gulf Mom, I'll eat with him so don't wait up and eat okay.''_ I told her and kissed her forehead, _''I'm going now, okay?''_

_''_

She smiled, _''Please say Hi to Gulf, even though I haven't met him yet. say my regards to him...''_

_''I will Mom, I'm going... bye''_

Before going out, I texted Gulf first. I didn't call him, he's probably driving now.

_**''I'm on my way. see you''** _

After a few minutes of driving, I arrived at the location and started looking for parking.

Luckily, I found one and parked my car there.

I entered the restaurant and searched for Gulf, but I didn't see him.

_''Please show up, I can't afford being ditched or ending at the hospital twice.''_

While waiting for Gulf, I went to the reception to ask for a table of two.

 _''Hi, Good evening, can I ask for a table for 2?''_ then the receptionist looked at his agenda and asked my name, _''Can I have your name Sir,''_

_''It's Mew, Mew Suppasit.''_

Then she looked at me twice and smiled, _''It's already booked Sir, Please follow me.''_

So I followed her, and she led me into this private room, _''ah, excuse me, I didn't book this room and I'm still waiting for someone, so..''_

Then I was cut off midway, _''It was booked by your partner Sir,''_ grinning, _''Please this way, Sir.''_

Partner? I asked myself inside my head. _''Don't tell me it's...''_ then she opened the door and there he is, looking at the Menu.

_''Have a nice evening Sir,''_ the receptionist said. Then Gulf, heard us. The moment he lifts his face and looks in my way

he released this big smile that made my heart flutters, I don't know why but it feels comfortable.

_''Mew!!!!''_ then he waved his hands signaling me to come one.

 _''It's nice seeing you Mew, how are you?''_ he asked me. _''ah, when did you book this?''_ the first few words that come out of my mouth.

_''555555, how about ask me first if I'm doing good huh Mew?''_ his eyes disappeared by laughing and it's mesmerizing.

Mew! stop, what are you doing? come back to your senses okaay! _, ''Oh, I'm sorry! How are you Gulf?''_

_''Much better 5555, kidding. I'm doing good.''_ he said.

_''By the way, what did you say to the receptionist? I was confused because she said that this room was booked by my partner?''_

he grinned, _''Oh, that?''_ he smiled at me, _''Yeah, that... what happened?''_

_''Oh Mew! don't worry, I just told her that It's our anniversary 5555''_

_''What?????''_ I was so shocked at what he just said.

_''I'm sorry, but they have this discount so I thought why not grab the opportunity, hmm, it's not like you weren't my boyfriend when I was at the hospital 555''_

_''But we're not in the hospital now Gulf, and I have a boyfriend.''_

then his reaction changed, fidgeting, he grabbed the glass of water and drank it, _''I'm sorry Mew, Do you want to change it into a normal table? I can ask them''_

_''No, that's not what I meant, I'm sorry... i was just shocked...''_

_''555 It's okay Mew, do you want to order now?''_ he asked me, Actually I'm kinda hungry but don't want myself to look too desperate for food.

_''If you're ready to order then I'll order mine,''_ I smiled t him, _''Then let's order now... do you have something in mind? want do you want to eat?''_

he asked me, I don't know but it feels nice being asked like this, It's been a while since I get this care, well ever since Saint left me.

_''I'll order whatever you'll order Gulf,''_ I told him but he gave me this look, _''Can't you decide by yourself Mew? You can choose whatever you like okay?''_

 _''No, I'm really good, whatever you choose Gulf, I'm okay with it. I really don't have any cravings right now...''_ I told him.

He sighs, _''Okay Mew, are you sure?''_ I smiled at him, _''Yes, just go ahead''_

then he ordered, after a few minutes the food came and it smells so good.

_''Let's eat...''_ Gulf said, I nodded _''Thanks for the meal...''_

Gulf started eating, and me, staring at him devouring his plate. It's funny.

After a few seconds of watching Gulf, I decided to take my first bite to see what kind of taste buds Gulf has.

The moment I put the food inside my mouth, I felt like I'm going to die!!!!!

 **cough...** _''Woah, this is so hot!!''_ tears are starting to form inside my eyes, Gulf looked at me.

_''Wait! you don't eat spicy food?????''_ he looks so worried.

 _''ah, **cough,** No, I'm okay don't worry'' _even I'm dying here.

He calls for the waiter and asked for some milk and ice, _''I told you Mew, I asked you many times... you didn't listen!''_

_''But you didn't tell me you'll be ordering this HELL, Gulf! is your tongue made by steel???''_

then he laughed at me because I'm turning into a fucking tomato on how red I am right now, _''555 I'm sorry Mew''_

_''woah, is this hell? how many chilis were there, wtf, my tongue can fall off at any moment''_

He's still laughing ridiculously that I can't help but laugh with him, and at the same time at me, _''You could have warned me Gulf, I wasn't ready for this spiciness''_

 _''55555 I'm sorry! here, drink this Milk, it will help to lessen the spiciness''_ then I reached out right away, _''Thank you very much HA''_

_''Mew!! I'm sorry please 555, forgive me na... I didn't know you can't eat spicy food 5555''_

_''Okay stop laughing now...''_ after saying that, I ended up laughing so hard.

_''Okay, let's order something else for you... what do you want?''_ he asked me again, and this time I'll be choosing what I will eat.

 _''I want to eat krapao, is it available here?''_ after saying that, I notice his eyes lit. 

_''Krapao, you like krapao? I think they have it here, let me ask''_ then he calls for the waiter and asks if there's krapao, _''Is it possible to ask for this dish? krapao?''_

then the waiter said yes, _''We'll serve it right away sir''_

_''I'm really sorry for this gulf, I really can't eat spicy food, I should have asked you first though,''_

_''ey! stop, It's okay. don't worry! 5555 that was actually funny, but hey I'm not laughing at you suffering right now okay.''_ while still laughing,

_''It's just that 5555, it doesn't fit you Mew, you look like you could eat everything...''_ he said.

_''Well, I can. but not this kind of everything? 55555 I can't tolerate spiciness''_

_''It's okay, don't worry! Everyone has their own taste and preference. it just happened you can't eat spicy food, but it's okay''_ then he smiled again.

 _''Hm, by the way... what happened to you? are you okay now? how's your heart?''_ I asked him.

_''Hmm, I'm okay I guess? 5555 Still breathing though,''_

_''Gulf... is everything okay?''_ I asked him sincerely.

_''Can we talk about it next time Mew? honestly, I asked you to go out so that I can breathe outside my world, so I'm sorry if I cant tell you about it right now.''_ he said.

_''No worries! you can tell me whenever you feel like it, the important thing is you're here and okay.''_

_''Yeah, I'm really glad also that you are not angry at me,''_

_''Why would I? 5555 stop overthinking Gulf.''_

_''I know 555, I think it's in my nature overthinking things though.''_

_''Stop, by the way... about the sunflower?''_

then he looked at me in my eyes, _''The flower? what about it,''_ he asked.

_''Ah, the nurses gave it to me, and told me what you said to them''_

_''ohhh, 55555 and? did you like the flower?''_

_''well, It's very thoughtful''_

_''Then that's good.''_

_''hmm, I guess? 5555 I just want to know why...'_

_''Mew, sometimes the things that are happening in your life don't need deep and complicated explanations... I gave you that sunflower because I wanted too''_

I touched my nape, _''Well, I'm just asking though...''_

_''well, sunflower has been my source of... you know? Joy? with all the stress in life, whenever I have this flower, I felt like... I feel this thing that I can't explain?''_

he furrowed, and then smiled, _''It's just a beautiful flower... so I thought of giving it to you''_

I was speechless there for quite a second, 

_''You see, it's been a while for me that someone was actually worried at me genuinely, without me feeling a burden, so I thought of giving you that. the one I bought at the mall where I supposed to meet you was withered so I asked someone to buy it for me, then eventually asked the nurses there to give it to you...''_

_''I am just thankful for you Mew, I really am... thank you for being by my side that time... I appreciated it''_

and there, weirdly, I don't know what to say to him but something came out from my mouth.

_''Well, I am grateful to you too... kinda''_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the small update na! please stay with me and witness everything unfolds!  
> thankyou very much for reading, please let me know how do you feel or what you think about this story!!
> 
> connect with me on twitter: @kanamewjpeg
> 
> thank you na kha!!!


	11. Paint my heart I

* * *

_**''You know love, It's been a year but you never change, you're still the annoying Mew that I've met, well 555 a year ago too. Thank you for being with me.''** _

* * *

__

_''Stop being annoying Mew! tell me all the details?''_ Mild said.

_''Why should I?''_

After eating out with Gulf, he suddenly excused himself and told me that he needs to go because there's an emergency, he said.

I didn't ask him about the details because it's his privacy and he really looks like he's in a rush so I let him be.

At least, I didn't get ditched.

_''What happened to your meeting though?''_

_''what, what happened? do you want something to happen mild?''_

_''Shut up Mew, I mean you went there like what? you did a staring game? just eat? what did you two talk about?''_

_''Wait, Why do you want to know? stop putting your nose into my business''_

_''You're still the annoying Mew that I hate! you'll open a topic then, you don't want to talk about it. are you dumb?''_

_''55555 calm down bro, I mean, what's the deal? we just ate? nothing much. It's not like it's a date.''_

_''I'm not saying it's a date! you're being suspicious day by day Mew! I'm looking at you respectively okay.''_

_''stupid! you're not even here with me, how can you look at me.''_

_''I have all my eyes on you Mew! I'm telling you, this friend of yours has this amazing radar and a good sense of smell :)''_

_''Shut up!, I'm tired. I'll call you back tomorrow!''_

_''Wait! are you still coming tomorrow night? kao is expecting you to come. please stop changing your mind before I drag you there forcingly''_

_''I'll tell you tomorrow morning.''_

_''Mew!!!!!''_

_''5555 okay! I'll go, so calm yourself down.''_

_''Okay! I'll pick you up tomorrow okay! I'll call you.''_

_''Okay Mild, I'll hang up now. bye''_

Then just like that, I hang up my phone, and peace came in my way.

It's true that talking to mild can make you feel tired, that's me right now.

I don't even have the energy to take a shower, I feel like burying my whole body in my bed.

Spreading my arms again, waiting for someone to crawl up and cuddle me.

_''I wonder how's Gulf doing, is he okay, or is he home already?''_ I mumbled while scrolling through my phone.

then I got a notification from my Facebook and when I opened it, I got goosebumps.

It's a photo of me and saint hanging out in their house last year. 

_''I looked.... happy, we looked happy.''_

Then I didn't notice that tears are already flowing from my eyes.

_''I miss you...Love, I miss you so much.''_

Then a message pops up, 

_**''Hey, Mew! I'm sorry earlier. I didn't mean to leave you like that''** _

_''Gulf...''_ I whispered.

I can't control it, I burst into tears and threw my phone.

_''AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH''_

Why am I feeling this way? Am I going crazy!

then while I'm being all over and in a mess, my phone rang.

I got up and picked my phone. _''It's Gulf.''_

I don't know but I panicked and felt nervous that I accidentally declined the call.

As I am sitting at the ground staring at my phone, kinda hoping he would call again. I gave up,

and I started calling his number.

**_''Sawadee, Mew! uhm, Are you angry?''_** he said with his soft voice.

_I hissed, **''You sure know how to not make people angry at you''**_

_**''Are you angry? It's just that my friend had an accident earlier and no one is with her so I rushed there, I'm really sorry again''** _

oh, her? Maybe it's his Girlfriend, Hey Mew! snap it out, It's not your business okay! _**''Oh, don't worry Gulf, I'm okay,''**_ I told him.

_**''You sure? I can make it up to you. let's eat out again? lunch tomorrow?''** _

_**''5555 Gulf, it's okay. don't worry! I understand you.''** _

_**''No, I insist, just to make up for what happened earlier. please? it would make me feel at ease. Please?''**_ using this kind of voice? how can I say no?

_**''Hmm, What time? because I also have somewhere to go tomorrow night.''** _

_**''Oh, really? then tell me if I'm not being in the way? we can change the day though, I have somewhere to go to tomorrow night but I don't mind going out with you before it''** _

_**''Hmm, let me think. Maybe we can do an early lunch?''** _

_**''ahh, brunch? 5555 I'm not a morning person but I will wake up for you.''** _

_**''55555 no please, don't sacrifice your sleep for me. it's not worth it.''** _

_**''stop saying that Mew, by the way, do you know someone who likes paintings?''** _

_**''well, Me?''** _

_**''Perfect! I'll show you something tomorrow''** _

wait, I'm confused but at the same time my heart is fluttering? what is it? what is it that he's going to show to me? **_''ah, what is it Gulf?''_** I asked him.

_**''You'll see tomorrow''** _

_**''You know I hate surprises, I'm not a fan of it.''** _

_**''Really? Surprises are the best what do you mean! you're missing out in life Mew, tomorrow should compromise that, I got you''** _

_**''Hmm, Gulf? you don't have to do these things okay?''** _

_**''What? I'm just being nice with a friend though? aren't we friends? wait, I know we've been boyfriends at the hospital and at the restaurant 555''** _

_**''shut up Gulf, it's not funny.''** _

_**''Yes, it is? 55555 kidding aside, I'll see you tomorrow morning? I'll pass by at your house so you don't need to bring your car so it wouldn't be a hassle to you finding a parking''** _

_**''Wow? what a thoughtful human being 555''** _

**_''Yes, Gulf Kanawut is that nice''_ **

**_''Well, I'm honored! 555''_ **

Then hours passed, we're still on the phone. Laughing, being angry, talking about sad things, and laughing again.

Every topic that we thought of, we talked about it where we didn't even notice the time.

I kept talking and talking, telling him the first time I went into an art gallery when I heard heavy breathing.

**_''Gulf? are you sleeping?''_** I giggled. this is the first time that someone dozed off while talking to me over the phone.

**_''okay, just sleep Gulf, I know you're tired. I may not know the reason or what's really happening in your life but I know you're tired''_ **

**_''hmmm, psshhh, hhm''_ **

**_''Are you answering me while sleeping? 5555 you're amazing Gulf. I'm really dying here laughing. why are you like this?''_ **

**_''hmm, dad...''_** It got my attention, did he just called me his dad? or is he having a dream about his dad? should I talk to him? maybe he'll say something.

**_''ah,, ugh yes I'm here... Son?''_** I responded out of having fun. It's funny, I could use this against him someday.

**_''Dad, can you not leave me... please...''_** he said with trembling husky voice.

I listened carefully, my heart suddenly felt heavy, I remember the time where he called me his dad again.

what's with you Gulf? really.

**_''Why would I leave you Gulf?''_** I continued,

_**''Don't leave me as Mom did... please''** _

then after a few seconds, I heard Gulf being awakened, 

**_''Gulf are you awake???''_ **

then the call got ended, Without saying any goodbyes, Gulf ended the call, leaving me with a heavy heart.

then a message pops up.

**_''Please forget what I said while I'm sleeping talking.''_ **

I replied, _**''No worries Gulf, Please have a good sleep.''**_

_**''Thank you...''**_ he replied.

I don't know what got into me but I called him again where he answered it right away.

**_''Sorry for dozing at you Mew, is there anything wrong?''_ **

**_''No, nothing... I just want to say that..._ **

**_.....'' that you're not alone anymore...''_ **

**_.......''Good night Gulf.''_ **

Then I hanged up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating so little, this will be 3 parts of the same title, well I will try!  
> I hope you are still with me and like my story!  
> Can't wait to write more for all of you!  
> Please let me know what you think or if you have any questions just comment below!
> 
> connect with me on twitter:@Kanamewjpeg
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH KHA!!


	12. Paint my heart II

* * *

_**''Is it worthwhile to change something drastically? like your heart?''** _

* * *

(The sound of an alarm going off)

_''just like that, I'm up before this stupid alarm clock, why even bother setting it? sigh...''_

I got up and reached out for my phone under my pillow, a text message from my sister pops up.

 _''What's up with her?''_ then I open it, _**''Meet me na kha today, pleaseeee Phi!''**_

So I called her right away.

**_''Wadee kha, P'Gulf!''_ **

**_''What's up with you lei? is there something wrong?''_ **

**_''aww, I just want to meet you now Phi, do I need a problem before seeing my brother?''_** she said.

**_''Well, that's not what I meant, I'm just surprised you texted me. it's been a while.''_ **

**_''See? that's why meet me now Phi.''_** sigh, but I'm going to meet Mew, and for sure he's already preparing now.

what should I do? I can't cancel it, and I don't like saying No to my sister. Ah! Gulf, your life is so full of complicated flavor.

_**''I have somewhere to go to Lei, can we meet after?''**_ I told her.

 _ **''Then I'm coming with you na Phi,''**_ She exclaimed, I was a bit taken a back.

_**''What? wait... what?''**_ I stuttered.

**_''I'm coming with you, why? can't I? na? na? P'Gulf Naaa''_ **

**_''Lei, c'mon don't be stubborn now, let's meet later na.''_ **

**_''No, If not now then NEVER!''_ **

**_''Leila, what's wrong with you...''_** Then I heard her starting snorting,

 ** _''Lei? are you crying???''_** I asked her.

_**''You don't love me anymore Phi! why? is there someone now? Do you have faen now Phi?** _

_**''Leila! stop saying nonsense okay. I don't have faen, I wont have one.''** _

_**''Then let me come with you! I'm going out now, I'll call you when I'm at your condo!''** _

_**''Wait, is mom there? are you allowed to meet me? or even go out?''** _

_**''I'm going to do what I wanted to do, see you later Phi''** _

_**''Leila, please call me okay, wait are you going by public transport?''** _

_**''I'm stealing dad's car, he wouldn't notice, don't worry na Phi. bye bye na!''** _

_**''Leila... hello? leila!''** _

She hanged up the phone leaving me speechless.

_''Now what gulf, I have to inform Mew that my sister is coming, but how do I say?''_

You know sometimes I just want to lock myself inside my condo, Why is this so complicated, I just want to eat with Mew.

Too many struggles, shiaaa.

_''This no good, I need to prepare now,''_

So I got up and took a shower, Fix my room and tidy my living room as I know Leila will cling or worst sleepover at my place, I hope not. I have somewhere to go later.

_''Okay Gulf, you're...so... ahhh stop it''_

Looking at my mirror, _''You're handsome as hell? why are you single?''_

talking and feeling myself while facing the mirror when my phone rang, _''Alaiwaaaa!!''_

Surprised, I looked at it and it's Mew, _''shit, what time is it? why is he calling?''_

I answered, **_''Sawadee krub Mew, Sorry? are you already there?''_**

 ** _''Where Gulf?''_** He said with his stern voice.

**_''aow, Oh yeah.. yes 5555 I'm going out now at my condo, don't worry... Are you ready?''_ **

**_''555, don't feel pressured... I'm coming...''_** he said, then he ended the call.

**_''Alai?? Mew?? hello''_** I tried calling him again but he won't answer, 

_''What the fuck was that? sighs''_

Anyway, since he sounds fine, I will call my sister first and wait for her then go pick up Mew. We can do that way right??

.........

_**''I'm coming 5555''** _

this is the random side of me, I don't know but I am already awake since 5 am, I couldn't go back to sleep.

Did a lot, exercised, helped mom do chores, watched some TV, cleaned my room, fix my cabinet, and decluttered some stuff.

While fixing my bag, I saw a small piece of paper, It's th paper from the flower that Gulf gave me, I didn't notice it and saw it just now.

 _''oh, yeah, hi paper''_ I opened it, and it's an address. _''address of Gulf?''_ I asked myself.

_''Well, who's address could it be other than him right?''_ So I put it on top of my table and started to prepare to see Gulf.

After a few minutes, finished preparing, I went down.

_''Sawadee krub Mom, I'm going out now.''_

_''Going where Mew?''_ she asked me. and by that, it's with her face looking suspicious.

_''MA, stop''_

_''I'm not saying anything Mew? not doing anything.''_ She's laughing.

_''Stop teasing okay! I know you so well Mom, I know what you are thinking.''_

_''Oh Mew, you need to stop overthinking okay.''_

I rolled my eyes and took my car keys, _''I'm going...''_

_''Okay Son, say hi for me, and oh... tell him I want to see him na...''_

_''Mom!''_ I don't even know how she knew I'll be meeting gulf today, sigh, never mind.

I went out right away coz if not, my mom won't stop teasing me.

Got inside my car, set up the address that's in the paper hoping that it's Gulf's address coz if not, ha ha, I will just jump or throw myself in the nearest river in Thailand.

After a few minutes of driving, I found the address, It's great and big, looking at it, it's like there are 50 floors.

I passed at the parking lot and parked my car there, Notice this car who's struggling to park the car so I helped before going in.

_''Thank you na kha!''_ the driver said.

I just nodded and came inside the bulding.

At the reception, _''Sawadee krub, Gulf Kanawut's Unit number please?''_

 _''Are you his family sir?''_ here we go again, I took a deep breathe, _''Yes, I am''_

_''Can I know which relation sir,''_ he asked.

I smiled, _''I'm his partner.''_ then the guy smiled.

_''Okay Sir, will call the unit owner...''_ I cut him off, _'' No please, It's a surprise...''_

_''oh, ah, but...''_

_''I'll leave my ID here, don't worry I won't do anything bad or will make you in trouble, just this once krub, please.''_

I begged like an idiot, _''Okay Sir, he's unit number is room 0826, 8th floor''_

_''Thank you very much!''_ then I went on my way.

\--

_''What's With Him?''_ I asked the receptionist who's rubbing his nape.

_''hm, He's asking his boyfriend's unit number, Ma'am''_

_''Oh, sweet... by the way is my brother Up?''_

_''Yes, ma'am I haven't seen him going down maybe he's up there...''_

_''Okay, I'm coming up.''_

_''Okay Ma'am Leila''_

....'' _wait a minute? Gulf Kanawut, partner? Ma'am Leila's brother, alaiwaaa sir Kanawut has a boyfriend?????...''_

\--

_''Waaaaaiiiiiit''_ Someone shouted, trying to stop the elevator from closing.

 _''pew, Thanks God, sawadee kha''_ she greeted me while panting.

_''Sawadee krub,''_ I replied.

_''Oh, sweet! the same floor... that's good''_

she kept on talking which I found funny, she looks young but very pretty. We got on the floor, I let her go out first and I followed.

She disappeared right away, while I on the other hand is still looking for the room number.

_''I think, it's this way... this is 6..7 oh, there is the room 8''_ I stopped because the girl was standing in front of the door,

As I approached the Unit, she kept on ringing the doorbell. I stopped, and she looked at me with her big eyes.

_''WAIT A MINUTE...''_ she shockingly said.

 _''Are you....''_ then the door opened.

_''Leila, I told you to stop ringing it! I heard it okay, you're going to break it.''_

It's Gulf... 

_''P'Gulf... ah, I think...''_

_''What Leila,''_ then the girl pointed at me.

I'm standing there like a rock when my eyes met Gulf's eyes.

we were both obviously shocked.

**_''Mew...''_ **

**_''Gulf...''_ **

Gulf smiled, and his eyes brighten...

while my heart is beating so fast, I uttered.

_**''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you and your Girlfriend...ah, I'm going... let's see each other next time''** _

Then I turned around aiming towards the exit of this weird situation when someone pulled my arms.

I turned my face towards the owner of the warm hand holding my arm,

smiling, _**''5555 how'd you find me?''**_

_**silence...** _

_**'' I am really surprised, Mew ''** _

_**.....'' I thought you hate surprises?''** _

_**''Well, I, myself is surprised now Gulf''** _

**We stayed staring at each other without uttering a single word.**

**_''ah, this is so awkward... should I yeet myself out now P'Gulf... I don't think I'm supposed to be here he he''_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating! sorry for this, I hope you liked it.  
> please let me know if you have any questions or suggestions to make the story more beautiful!  
> English isn't my first language so sorry for grammar errors :)  
> stay safe na kha! love you.
> 
> connect with me on Twitter: @kanamewjpeg


	13. Paint my heart III

* * *

**_''It's yours, I want you to look at this like you are looking at me, with your heart eyes. isn't it great Mew? My love?''_ **

* * *

I am still processing this situation that I am in while staring at Gulf who is smirking in front of me.

_''Mew, are you okay?''_ Gulf asked,

I snapped out of my thoughts and responded to him, _''ha? yeah I'm okay.''_

_eherm, eherm ''P'Gulf, I think I have somewhere to go, hmm, that I think I forgot to tell you, so I think I'm going now''_

then the woman kissed Gulf on his cheeks and flew away from us, I was left shocked, TWICE! now what?

_''Thank care lei! call me okay!''_ Gulf screamed like there's no tomorrow, like really? infront of me.

 _''Let's go inside Mew,''_ Gulf invited me inside his condo where I voluntarily followed but before entering his place, why not tease him first right?

_''YOu let your girlfriend go just like that Gulf?''_ I told him, but he just grabs my arms while cheekily smirking.

 _''C'mon, let's go inside.''_ so we went inside his condo, and you know this feeling where you are being irritated without a reason? that's me.

_''You can let go of my hand now Gulf,''_ I told Gulf who is carried away by gripping my hands.

 _''Ohh, sorry''_ acting surprise? I can't, he annoys me so much right now like I don't even know why.

_''Hey? are you okay? you're so grumpy ever since you came here, are you hungry?''_ he asked me.

 _''Me? no, Maybe I was just tired.''_ yes, an excuse. I'm sorry okay! I can't explain why I feel this way.

_''Are you sure? seems not, do you want to ask something to me?''_ with his eyes twinkling? is this guy serious, does he want me to ask his love life?

 _''ah? something to ask? No? I don't have any. oh, aside from please let go of my arms now.''_ I said.

_''Do you want to go out now Mew? or you want to order and the food will be delivered here, wait? do you want to stay here?''_ he asked me.

_''Ah, I don't know? looks like you've got company. Should I go now? you can ask your girlfriend to come back and spend time with you.''_

but he looked at me disgustingly like I did something really funny, but he just smirked, _''You're not serious Mew, you're not being serious right now''_ he told me with annoyance.

he smiled again and grab my hand, which I refused, _''You do like grabbing hands ah?''_ annoyingly.

he sat down and laughed, _''That's my sister Mew,''_ while holding his nape and staring at me, _''It's my baby sister... I'm sorry to confuse you''_

Sorry to confuse me? why? It's not like we're in a relationship, _'no, no, I'm not confused, I thought she was your girlfriend. I'm sorry,''_

I turned around, _''You know Gulf, I'd better go,''_ but chances are there, what a surprise? he grabbed my arms again.

 _''Maybe a little snack before you go? don't waste your stay here, C'mon let's go to the kitchen''_ he joyfully invited me.

_''I didn't expect you to be here Mew, how did you find my address?''_ he asked.

 _''Well, I think I have to return the question to you, why did you give me your address?''_ I asked.

He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds and, _''OHH!! yeah, I think I put it inside the flower? 55555 See, I forgot already,''_

_''Yeah, that's why I thought it would be nice visiting you here and knowing where you lived in case you...''_

_''Incase of what Mew? 5555 in case I do troubles? don't worry, I'm a behaved Man, 5555''_

_''Funny Gulf, I think we better hurry, I still have to prepare for later''_

_''Oh yeah, my bad, don't worry I already ordered food. it should be here in a few minutes, let's go to my room!''_

My mouth dropped, like really? what the actual fuck, _''Wait... where????''_ I asked.

_''5555 you're drinking too many coffee shots Mew, I will show you something''_ he said.

My eyes got big, _''Show me what?????''_

He smiled and pulled me towards his room, _''Wait... Gulf, what are you doing no. wai-''_

 _....''oh,''_ I grabbed my nape because of embarrassment.

_''55555 calm down Mew, I just want to show you this painting of mine... honestly, you are the first person to see this''_

_''Oh, should I feel happy?''_ I said.

_''Oh, I don't know? are you happy seeing this?''_ he looked down and a sudden change of expression.

 _''Hey, Gulf! I was just joking. are you upset?''_ asked.

_''555 no, I'm not upset,''_ he responded.

 _''Gulf.''_ I looked at him and tapped his shoulder, _''Is it you who made this?''_ asked him.

Then he looked at me and smiled, _''Yes, a week ago,''_

_''It's amazing, I didn't know you're this talented, It's beautiful''_

Then his face lit up, and it feels nice seeing him like this, _''You can put this on an exhibit, that's how beautiful your painting is''_

_''C'mon Mew, don't flatter me that much, I'm not that good''_

Then we both laughed when the food arrived, _''It's here, we can eat na''_

_''Thanks, Gulf...''_

Everything feels so new, It's not like I'm not eating out with my friends or in someone's house.

But I feel like everything is fresh, we are laughing nonstop while eating, Gulf likes to joke and I love to laugh.

I don't know, or maybe I do know? what is this feeling? I shouldn't be feeling this way but right here, this moment I'm not thinking of anything else.

Because I am enjoying, and I can see Gulf is enjoying it too.

After a few hours, It's already 4 pm. Mild is going to kill me, he keeps on calling but I kept on declining it.

I think I should end this and go home.

_''Thank you for your time Gulf, I really enjoyed it,''_ I told him.

_''Don't mention it, my pleasure. Thank you for visiting me, I'm sure I couldn't hide from you anymore 555''_

_''555 Don't give me a reason to hunt you though''_

I was about to go out when he called me again, _''Wait, Mew!!!''_

I turned around and there I saw him standing holding the painting that he showed me,

**_''Here take it, It's yours now, I saw the way you look at it, Isn't great Mew?''_ **

Everything went slow, but the only thing that I am aware of is the way Gulf's smile while reaching out of the painting to me.

my heart beats so fast, so fast that I couldn't utter a word.

Why is this feeling so familiar, why is that sentence feels so home to me.

I looked at him waiting for an assurance that he is really indeed giving it to me.

Why Gulf? why are you doing this to me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of this part of the title, Next chapter would be different title na kha,  
> Thank you for reading it.  
> I just want to tell you all that I'm really happy that you are supporting this  
> story of mine, it gives me more motivation and strength.  
> Writing this while being in the hospital makes my heart at ease.  
> The only machine I'm allowed to, the computer provided for me.  
> so I'm really thankful to all of you.
> 
> Sorry for the short update but I hope you still like it,  
> please let me know how do you find this story, let me know in the comments  
> I would like to read your feelings about it.
> 
> See you at my next update!  
> connect with me on twitter : @kanamewjpeg
> 
> Thankyou and I love you na!!
> 
> -eysia


	14. Take me, again

* * *

**_Sunrise with you on my chest No blinds in the place where I live Daybreak open your eyes 'Cause this was only ever meant to be for one night Still, we're changing our minds here Be yours, be my dear._ **

* * *

_''What's wrong Mew? you're so quiet. I'm not used to it, you don't want to open the radio too. what's up? did something happened?''_ Mild asked me while we're driving to the airport to

take our flight to Phuket.

_''ha?''_ I responded.

_''Alaiiiii, you're not even listening, where's your mind ha? what happened to you.''_

_''nothing happened to me, what do you mean? can't you just drive Mild?''_ I told him with annoyance.

_'I won't shut my mouth till you spill it, what happened? you can tell me everything Mew, right?''_

_''I know, but there's nothing really grand thing Mild, I'm telling you.''_

_''Then Why are you like that? ever since you came back from Gulf's condo, you're acting weird.''_

_''You're just seeing things Mild, let it pass''_

_''Yeah, I'm really seeing things, mostly with you! you're so different now, like? what's really happening ha? do you want me to stop? you wanna talk?_

_''Really? Mild? like we don't have a flight to catch? did you really propose to talk now? continue driving you, idiot!''_

_''55555 calm you, okay! once we get to kao's party no more outside stress okay? we will enjoy there and maybe you can find someone there right??? 555''_

_''Stupid! I'm not looking for someone, please mild, if there's nothing good coming out from your mouth, just shut it out.''_

_''wow, that's harsh,''_ he told me.

There's still a few minutes of travel till we get to the airport, to avoid Mild's big mouth, I put on my headphones and decided to listen to music.

I love jazz music, I love to sway into the solemn beats of it, it makes my heart calm. It's like the music of my life.

I closed my eyes for a while, and there, the vision of a man, I'm not expecting it's Saint, but the weird thing is I keep thinking of the same person?

Maybe I'm just tired, this episode of my life has been really fast. in just a matter of time, all emotions was unwillingly welcomed into my system.

_''How can you sleep when we're near na Mew? wake up!''_ Mild told me while parking the car.

_''I'm not sleeping jackass.''_

_''Let's go, we're going to be late, besides boat must be waiting for me.''_

_''wow, you really do have a hard face huh Mild? isn't it you who was just advised me to stop somewhere and talk?''_

_''Okay Mew, Okay, I love you okay? now let's go to our gate.''_

_''I love you, your face!''_

After a few minutes of waiting, we boarded and traveled for a few hours.

we landed exactly at 5pm, and we're already seeing Kao waving to us.

Running, Kao directly hug me, so tight that I couldn't breathe!

_''P'Mew!!! How are you? Omg, wait I cant believe this I'm seeing you again? This is so great!''_

_''555 Kao! you haven't changed a bit, how are you?''_ I asked him.

 _''I'm good Phi, let me carry that for you. by the way where's P'Saint?''_ he asked me.

_''Oh ho, Okay come here Kao, let's hug each other. you didn't even say hi to your P'Mild huh?''_

Mild had his reflex quick, before being in a situation I don't want to be in, Thank you to Mild for saving me from the awkwardness.

_''Alai, I did say hi to you P'Mild,''_ Kao insists.

_''No, Kao, Say hi to your P'Mild again, and stop bothering P'Mew.''_

_''555555 You never changed to P'Mild, you're still ruthless''_

Mild tapped his head, _''What do you mean ruthless, you Kid! let's go, Mew's not feeling well.''_

_''Oh? P'Mew?? are you sick?''_ Kao rushed beside me and touch my forehead, _''You're feverish P'Mew, we better get home now so You both could eat, besides others are there''_

_''Oh, thanks Kao, don't worry I'm god. But yeah, I'm kinda hungry and exhausted from work before I left Bangkok to go here''_

_''I feel so honored P'Mew,''_ Kao is smiling from ear to ear, good to see it.

_''Stop being dramatic 555 you're my friend! it's normal.''_

_''Uhm, excuse me? can we get going because you see, I'm carrying different bags here? it's not really heavy ha,''_

_''5555 you need help P'Mild?''_ Kao asked, _''Oh ho, No Kao, I don't need help, I'm not struggling. see? I'm smiling... through the pain, what the heck! help me here!''_

Then we all got in Kao's van and went home.

_''They're here na!''_ Kao shouted, gaining the attention of his visitors.

I pulled his arms, _''No need announcement Kao, we're not that special''_ But he just stared at me and smiled.

_''Sawadee krub, I'm Mew hehe, Kao's friend''_ I was left to introduce myself.

 _''Hi everyone! It's mild, nice meeting you''_ Mild followed me.

_''can you both shut up and get some cup and let's start partying!!!''_

A familiar voice shouted at us, It's Bright.

Mild and I looked at each other, and we released the loudest laugh!

_''Isn't it great to know us again? like the old times!''_

_''C'Mon Mew, Let's start drinking, let's have fun!!!''_

And then like always, Mild dances, singing and laughing like there's no tomorrow, and Me, at the corner with my cold beer.

_''Why are you just there Mew?''_ Bright approached me.

_''You know me, I'm always with you guys but I'm not really a fun of partying.''_

_''C'mon stand up! We're only partying here inside the house so don't worry''_ Bright pulled me and we went in the center and started goofing around,

_''Bright, let me just go back, 5555 not really my cup of tea''_

_''No, you have to enjoy Mew, I know... I know what happened''_

after hearing that, I stared at Bright, he smiled at me and tap my shoulder. 

_''When you're with me Mew, you can be yourself, don't act strong but learn to have fun. okay?''_

_''Bright, how?''_ I asked him.

_''No need to ask, just be assured that I'm with you. okay? have fun, you're staying here until Sunday right? so let's enjoy the stay.''_

I smiled and nodded, _''Okay.. I will enjoy''_

After a few hours.

_''Mew! wait, calm down... why did I even say that to you, calm down! nooo! Mew!!''_

I was having the time of my life! 2 beers, one shot of tequila! give it to me.

_''What? I..I am enjoying (eurk) I am enjoying like you said Bright,''_

_''But not like this, C'mon let's sit for a second, I'll get you water... stay here okay?''_

_''555555 don't come back, you're ruining my party''_

Honestly, I know what I'm doing, I know that I'm drunk, but I can't stop. besides, I can't see Mild, even Kao and my other friends, they all left me. so what I'm going to do?

I took another 4 cans of beer and started gulping each of it, 

1 beer, after the other one, I didn't notice I finished those for under 10 minutes.

I don't know but I feel so free doing this, I know it's not me. this is the first time I am being drunkard. I cant even lift my hands now.

My head is against the table facing the people dancing when I felt someone touched my forehead.

I closed my eyes thinking it was just bright who promised to get me water.

 _''Where's my water,''_ I said, then he reached out the water helping me to lift my head but I can't so what he did he get a straw and let me slurp the cold water.

_''This is so nice, thanks''_ I opened my eyes, it's blurry and I'm having this sense that My head is spinning,

But the moment I lift my gaze to the person expecting it would be bright, I saw another face.

_''Saint???''_ I reached for his hands, it's so warm, so I held it tighter.

I smiled at him, _''Oh, Saint, don't get angry na, I'm just drinking because... because I am sad.''_

_''I am sad, that you're not here with me, I am sad that you left me 55555''_

I closed my eyes again, _''I promised I will wash the dishes when we get home, don't tell Mom! okay love? 5555 can you please hug me huh Love?''_

_''Mew...'_ I stopped from speaking, I'm still holding the hands of the man, but I felt something inside my heart. a sting, I open my eyes again.

but the face is blurry, I don't know who he is. But while holding his hands, I felt safe. the feeling that Saint gave me for 3 years. 

_''Mew, you're drunk, Let's go...''_

I looked at him. smiling at me,

_''Why?''_

_''Why I feel so home with you?''_

_smiling..._

_''Are you going to be responsible..._

_....to be responsible for what I feel now?''_

After that, I lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! a little update for you guys.  
> let me know how it's going please! love you all.
> 
> connect with me on twitter: @kanamewjpeg / @Kanamewjpg :)
> 
> love you all
> 
> -Eysia


	15. Falling in...ü

* * *

_**So don’t call me baby Unless you mean it, Don’t tell me you need me If you don’t believe it, So let me know the truth Before I dive right into you.** _

* * *

...toooot toooot _**The sound of the alarm clock.**_

_''Mild... you're phone! My head hurts,''_ I whined while caressing my forehead, of course, eyes still closed. 

_''Hey Mild! Can't you hear your phone? can't you stop it?''_ I shouted but the moment I heard the response, I quickly opened my eyes.

_''That's your phone Mew,''_ A very stern voice, familiar. What the hell?????

 _''Wa..''_ I am stuttering, I know that voice, Am I dreaming? I don't want to open my eyes. I touched my body if I still am in my clothes, did I do something stupid last time? wth!!

_''Get up na, Let's eat''_ He said with a very low voice, I still not opening my eyes, no matter what, I Won't open it, I am so embarrassed.

 _''Tell me, am I dreaming? Please tell me I'm just hearing things, you're not real''_ I said with my trembling voice, then he replied.

_''55555 open your eyes,''_ He told me.

So I slowly opened it, then boom! his face is too near to mine, _''What the hell!!!!''_ I am so shocked that I pushed him so hard he stumbled.

 _''awww Mew!!! that hurts! what the hell?''_ he said while holding his ass.

I sat up, _''What the fuck are you doing here Gulf? how? what?? I'm so confused''_

_''Calm down, Mew! I'll tell you everything later... Let's eat first''_

_''No, tell me now. I won't move an inch unless you tell me,''_ I insist on knowing the details because I don't want to look dumb in front of him without knowing what I did last night.

_''You eat, or not, I won't tell you. I'm going now, just eat whenever you're hungry''_

he was about to go, but my guts pushed me to grab his arms. tightly, _''Please, I don't like this feeling. I'm not like this I swear, so please tell me what happened last night''_

He looked at me, and he smiled _''I want you to eat first, you don't have anything in your stomach. you vomited it last night so please eat first, I will tell you everything.''_

He helped me to get up as My head is still spinning, hangover sucks! but I chose to do this last night, now I'm paying the price.

 _''Careful Mew, sit here, wait I'm going to get you a warm water...''_ I stopped him, _''I don't like warm water Gulf,''_ but he continued, _''You have to drink it,''_

Why Am I feeling like a baby who doesn't know to do things, I can get my own water, I can get my own food, I can eat alone? why... just why...

 _''ah, Gulf? you know that I can eat alone right? you don't have to feed me...''_ He just nodded and continued what he was doing which I find cute but weird.

_''I know you can eat on your own, I just want to do it, why? Can't I?''_ Looking so serious, I don't know what to reply so I just said, _''Just do whatever you want''_

 _''Are you sure I can do whatever I want?''_ smirking, he is smirking at me, _''What the hell are you saying?''_ I told him.

_''Nothing, just eat Mew, talking while eating isn't good. finished your food and then we will talk''_

sounds like a command! are you my parent?, _''Okay, BOSS''_ I told him and finishes my food right away.

_''DONE!!!! tell me now, I am done eating.''_ I told him.

 _''Are you ready?''_ He told me, what the hell? now I'm freaking nervous. _''Why should I? just tell me everything, cut the crap okay!''_

He was sitting facing me, right beside him is a level up table where he can put his arms on it, he was playing the marbles that's inside this sparking small bowl,

The sounds of these marbles crashing in each other make my heart calm, I like the sound, something that Saint would do, is playing with small objects.

I am just observing him while he was thinking about how he will ruin my day, but in all honesty, he's not that bad.

He looks younger than his age, he doesn't look like an adult for me, more like a child.

_''Hey!Gulf! stop playing around and tell me everything now... please!!!''_

_''Pleaseeee tell me everything!''_

.......

**_''Tell me everything now, If not then I will drink this whole bottle''_ **

**_7 hours ago.._ **

**_''Mew! stop drinking! you're drunk!''_ I told him while taking the can of beers he took on Kao's fridge.**

_**''Why are you here? how are you here? hahaha did you follow me ha ha?''** _ **I can't stand these look of Mew, so I told bright and Mild that I will take him home,**

**they seem okay with it, but kao... Kao was against, _''Why? he can stay here? I have a room here...''_ Kao said but Mild intervene right away, **

_**''Go ahead Gulf, take Mew, I will call you tomorrow okay? just be careful, It's pretty noisy here, I know Mew wouldn't be able to sleep''** _ **Mild said.**

_**''Not you P'Mild? Why are you letting Gulf take** _ **P'Mew!'' Kao is like having a tantrum, He's always like that. I didn't expect that he was a friend of Mew,**

**Kao's my friend ever since I remember, _''Just enjoy here kao, I won't eat your P'Mew so don't worry.''_ I told him.**

_**''Go now, Gulf right?''** _ **Bright said to me, _''Ah, yeah... thanks Bright, it was really nice meeting you''_ I told him.**

 _**''Go now Gulf, I will call you later''** _ **Mild said.**

**Then we both went inside my car, hm, the car of my dad actually because he has a house here and a car so I went there before going to the party and BORROWED it.**

**I didn't expect it would be useful in this kind of situation.**

**What I'm praying now is, I hope that Mew won't vomit inside the car or else, I will be killed by my dad.**

_**''Mew! are you okay? Do you want to sit here in front or just stay at the back?''** _ **I asked him.**

_**''Ah, please take me to my house, but... (erk) but I don't have money here. I'll pay you later okay... chop chop, driver let's go''** _

**Okay so now, I became a driver. Sweet!**

_**''I'm not your driver,''** _ **I told him with annoyance.**

_**''huh? you're not my taxi driver? then who are you? 55555 are you my boyfriend?''** _

**I giggled at what he said, but it was followed by something painful to hear.**

_**''5555 na, my boyfriend's left me. I don't have a boyfriend. 5555''** _

**He was laughing but the tone of his laugh was something out of this world, it sounds so painful.**

_**''Hey Mew! you know, just sleep okay? I'll wake you up when we arrive''** _

_**''Can you tell me everything''** _ **He said with his stern voice, the first time I heard Mew so serious.**

 _**''Everything? what do you want me to tell you Mew?''** _ **I asked him.**

_**''Tell me why I'm alone. Why I'm being left?''** _

**the moment I heard that I can't help but to look at my rear mirror,**

_**''Mew? are you crying?''** _ **I asked him and then he burst out his tears and didn't stop crying.**

_**''Why is it happening to me? can you tell me?''** _ **I can't take it, his voice is trembling and you can just feel pain.**

**I tried to calm him down but I can't, he looks so fragile... fragile that makes my heart hurts too.**

_**''It's funny because, this is the first time... the first time I cried so hard...''** _ **he said.**

 _**''Just cry... cry as long as you want Mew, I won't mind''** _ **I assured him, so until we arrived at my place, all he did was crying.**

_**''I don't know how did you get yourself drunk this much Mew, ugh, you're so heavy... lift your body too please''** _

_**''(Erk..erk) I'm sorry 555, but... but b..bright told me to have fun so, 5555 I did? I had fun, I'm having fun here''** _ **he said.**

_**''Okay, okay have fun Mew, Sit here and don't move okay, I'll check if I have some clothes for you.''** _

**So I went up to my room and search for some clothes but then I heard the door opened and I was shocked because Mew is walking towards me... like a zombie.**

_**''I want bed... I want my bed...''** _ **then he stumbled but before planting his face at the floor, I caught him and held.**

 _**''Mew, I told you to stay there right?''** _ **but he just looked at me and laugh.**

_**''You know you sound like my mom, btw''** _ **he stopped and stared at me. _''Who are you? what's your name?''_ He asked while poking my chest.**

_**''Anyway, it doesn't matter who you are...come let's sleep''** _ **then he pulled me, leaving our bodies facing each other.**

**I can smell the alcohol coming out from his mouth together with his breath, I examined his face, from his hair down to his chin.**

**I thought, Saint was right when you meet him, there's no way you won't...**

_**''Love him...''** _ **I whispered in thin air, But I know where I stand, it's just too impossible for us.**

_**''Hmmm, I want... my blanket, it's cold...''** _ **he said, even in his sleep he's so demanding, I giggled because he's so cute but then he lifts his arm and wrapped around my**

**waist which made me surprised.**

_**''Mew, what are you** _ **doing...'' but he's so asleep now so I let him be. I like it, I don't know why, but I like it, and would love to stay like this for a while.**

_**''Mew... I know it's not easy, it will never will. but I know you will get through this... I will help you...''** _

**Then Mew opened his eyes, directly staring at me. he reached out to my face that made me moved back a bit,**

_**''Gulf...''** _ **he smiled at me, _''You know I've been alone for quite a while. but since you came along, I feel... I feel''_**

**I was waiting for him to finish his sentence but then he just closed his eyes and fell asleep again.**

**End of flashback.**

_''That's everything Mew, don't worry you didn't do anything..._

_...aside from making my heart flutter...''_

_''What did you say?''_

_''Nothing Mew, I said that you didn't do anything so don't overthink. just eat your food and let's meet mild later.''_

_''Even if I did something, please excuse the behavior that wasn't me at all''_ Mew said.

**''I know Mew, you don't have to worry. I understand you.''**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! how are you? sorry, it took me a lot of time before I update again,  
> And I'm sorry if the update is not good. I did my best, please let me know  
> what you think about this story so that I know what I would improve!
> 
> Thank you for reading na kha!! i love you, please stay with me for a long time.
> 
> Eysia-  
> Connect with me on twitter: @kanamewjpeg / @kanamewjpg
> 
> I love you!


	16. Maybe, You just have to say it

* * *

_**Daybreak open your eyes 'Cause this was only ever meant to be for one night** _

* * *

**After 1 week**

_''What happened in Phuket?''_ Mild asked me,

 _''Nothing? why?''_ I said, trying to avoid the question.

_''Are you sure nothing happened? You can tell me everything Mew, I won't judge you?''_

_''Judge me from what?''_ Confused, I took my keys because I'm going to Saint's house.

_''Hm, Nothing, then if you don't want to share, I will be the one who will share something, please don't take this bad Mew okay?''_ He said.

_''cut to the crap Mild, and say it right away, I have to go soon,''_

_''Well, I didn't tell you this but I saw you with Gulf, I mean I saw him taking care of you that night, the night you were so drunk I don't know why.''_

_''Taking care of me? isn't that bright? I have no Idea.''_

_''Stop lying, I know you. your face says otherwise, you know it wasn't bright, you know it was Gulf.''_

_''I don't know what you're talking about Mild, so what are you trying to say?''_

_''What I'm trying to say is, you have to live your life, you have to move forward''_

_''Why are you telling me this Mild? I'm okay, I'm really okay?''_

_''You're not, And I know you ever since so don't you dare lie to me, I can see that you're longing...''_

_''Longing????''_ I said.

_''Don't you find it weird Mew? meeting Gulf all of sudden?''_

_''All of a sudden? what do you mean? he has saint's heart, it wasn't a coincidence as I don't believe in that.''_

_''Well, for me it's like fate? don't you see it? even in Phuket? he's friends with kao? like what a small world?''_

_''It's just a coincidence Mild, don't overthink''_

_''5555 I thought you don't believe in that? let me know the truth Mew, what's going on?''_

_''Nothing Mild? stop squeezing me okay? I have a boyfriend and I don't have any plans to change that.''_

_''Mew, I'm your friend okay, I don't mean any harm to you, and when I say something, it's for your own good, but please be careful. okay?''_

_''Don't worry Mild, I'm okay. now let me go because Mom's saint is waiting for me okay?_

_''Try contacting Gulf, and say your thanks! sincerely! okay? he took care of you. be grateful!''_ he said.

_''Stop being a mom to me okay, I'm going now, I cant drop you off so just call boat to pick you up,''_

_'I don't have plans riding your car Mew don't worry, I'll be okay. go now! call me later!''_

_''Okay! take care''_

Having that kind of conversation with Mild brings a lot of realization but I don't know why my head won't accept it, My heart is dictating me that I should just move forward without holding

back, but at the back of my head it's telling me otherwise, I felt like I'm contradicting myself. Honestly, I'm better being depressed before, not until I met him, that made it all complicated. 

Gulf is nice, but knowing he has the heart of Saint makes me feel uneasy. I don't know if my heart is responding to saint, or to gulf. 

and every day I'm trying to convince myself. it's been a while since Saint showed up inside my dream. What does this mean? It's really complicated.

After a few minutes of driving, I arrived at Saint's home and was welcomed by his Mom right away.

_''Mew! Son! how are you? It's been a while, I really missed you''_ she said while giving me a very tight hug.

_''Sorry Mom, I was so busy with things.''_

_''So???''_ grinning, she asks me excitingly.

 _''hm, So... what Mom? what do yo mean?''_ I asked her.

_''Did you meet each other? did you meet Gilf?''_

_''oh, 5555 Mom...''_ I just laughed awkwardly because I don't know what to say.

_''Tell me, Mew, did you meet him? is he okay?''_

_''Hmm, don't you have contact with him, Mom? I think you can send him a message or even meet him for a coffee or lunch''_

_''I know but this past week he didn't reply or even answered my call, I'm worried.''_

_''Oh, okay... I haven't talked to him yet too Mom, uhm anyway I'm here because...''_

When her phone rang and I was cut off midway talking.

_''Answer it Mom looks like it's important,''_ I told her,

_''Okay, just a minute son.''_

While Mom is talking to the phone, I roamed around the house, as always I went straight to the living room where Saint and I used to hang out.

Everything is in place, even the favorite blanket of saint was still there. the photos on the wall and the photo album under the coffee table were still there.

So I decided to see it again, our photos are still there, I don't know what to feel but my heart hurts a little, seeing Saint's beautiful smile.

I shed a tear, _''I missed you so much love, I missed you so so much''_ While scrolling through the photos.

I took a deep breath and put on a smile, I don't want his Mom to see me being sad because it won't help, I arranged the photos and put them back when I heard the door opened.

I turned around and Saint Mom wasn't there so I went straight to the entrance room, and there I saw Gulf hugging Saint's Mom, I rubbed my eyes but he was still there,

I don't know but I couldn't move, and feels like I am stoned. In my head, I am having all sorts of questions, like why he's here, is this a setup? are they doing this on purpose?

I shook my head and wait for them to notice that I am just standing there when Gulf's eyes landed against mine.

While still hugging Saint's Mom, he blurted _''I didn't know Mew is here Mae, I'm sorry''_

_''No, It's okay gulf, we were just talking about you. I wasn't expecting you here but I'm glad,''_

_''Really? 555 you're talking about me? that's why My nose is itchy... Hi Mew, how are you?''_

after he said that I just stared at him looking confused, _''How are you Gulf? uh, I mean I'm okay how about you?''_

_''I'll leave you two to catch up, I will prepare some snack for us, Mew? Son? can you take care of Gulf for me for a moment, I'll be back.''_

_''Sure, uh, but do you need some help Mom?''_

_''No, I'm good. stay here with Gulf okay? I'll be right back''_

_''Okay Mom,''_

This is so awkward and I don't know why, Me acting like this made it worst.

 _''So Gulf, wanna sit?''_ I asked him.

_''Sit where Mew? 5555''_ He laughed and I was left all confused and awkward again.

_''at the chair?? at the chair? Do we sit at the chair?? nooo wait, at the sofa? Sofa yes. we sit on the sofa.''_

Then Gulf put an arm around my shoulder, _''Calm down Mew, why are you panicking?''_

Well that made me more in panic mode, _…''uh, what are you doing?''_ I asked him about his arm being around my shoulder.

Then I got dragged, yes while his arms still on me.

 _''Come, let'‚ sit on the sofa,''_ he said with full confidence. 

_''You can take off the arms now Gulf,''_ I told him,

_''5555 oh yeah, I'm sorry''_

then it got really quiet and I don't have any plans to start any conversation with him, I don't know I'm acting so immature right now,

 _''Mew...''_ he called me, but I'm not looking at his way, trying to avoid or even pretended I didn't herd him.

_''Mew, hey! do you not hear me?''_ he said.

 _''What do you want?''_ I said.

_''Are you angry at me?''_ Gulf said. I was shocked by this question, like why would I?

_''Do I have a reason to be angry with you?''_

Then he stood up and went in front of one of the photos hanging on the wall, it was the photo of Saint's family with me.

 _''Because I have your boyfriend's heart.''_ He said while looking at the photo, _''I was just wondering, maybe you're angry with me because of this reason.''_

I was caught off guard by that revelation.

_''Anyway, I'm here because uhm,''_ he looks fidgety and uncomfortable so I asked him,

_''Why would you think that Gulf? why would I be angry at you?''_ then he looked at me and smiled.

_''Nothing Mew, I was just wondering but seeing you're reaction, that might not be the case, I'm at ease now''_

Then he walked towards me, in front of me he put his hands in my shoulder,

 _''Thank you...''_ then he smiled.

_''I'm actually here to say bye to khun Mae, but I didn't expect that you would be here so I will take this opportunity to thank you for everything._

_Everything, thank you for being at my side when I was at the hospital and even after that... I'm really grateful Mew. to you''_

I looked at him, '' _What do you mean?''_ I asked him because I'm really confused.

_''What else could it be Mew? I'm saying bye... I'm happy that I got the chance to meet you and I am really thankful for that, but I don't think there's a reason for me to still_

_hang around''_

_''No one said you couldn't hang out with me or you couldn't visit Mom here?''_

_''I know that's why I'm saying, it's me. this is all my decision.''_

_''What's happening here? why you both looked so down? did something happened?''_

_''uh, Mae? do you have a minute? can I talk to you?''_ Then Gulf and Mom went a few steps away from me.

I am just standing there, witnessing Gulf saying goodbye to Mom and it doesn't look good because Mom is crying, I don't know but I'm getting angry.

They both gave each other a big hug and Gulf bid his goodbye to Mom, I know Mom is in shock because she didn't follow Gulf.

Gulf walks towards me smiling but I know inside him he's not okay, and his eyes are kinda teary.

_''So, Mew... I hope everything goes well with you.''_

_''Gulf... you don't have to do this, you know that right?''_

_''But I have to Mew, anyway I have to go now... all best with you.''_

then just like that, he left. I can't figure out what to do because it's not making any sense, I mean. I don't understand why he has to leave?

I don't understand that's why.

_''Gulf!!!! wait!!!! I have something to tell you''_

I ran after him.

_''What I'm about to say is very weird._

_...weird that you might not understand_

_...and it's okay, but I just have to let it out_

... _Gulf, I think... no I feel like, I..-''_

_''Mew? Gulf? why are you both talking outside? get in''_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little update, while I'm doing my care plan at work!  
> hope you're still with me and I hope you like this update !  
> Please let me know, I would love to hear from you if I should continue this story.
> 
> connect with me on twitter: @kanamewjpeg / @kanamewjpg
> 
> Love you na-
> 
> Eysia


	17. Waves of feelings

* * *

_**Little by little, our worlds moved closer...** _

* * *

_......_

_'Mew? Gulf? why are you both talking outside? get in''_

Saint's Mom interrupted me, 

_''We're leaving too Mom, go inside I will call you later''_

Then she went inside without asking any questions, I guess she's still dazed, I would be too if I am in her position. 

Gulf looked at me with his eyebrows raised. _''Where are you going? aren't you supposed to stay with Khun Mae here?''_ he asked.

 _''Let's go''_ I pulled him and drag him inside my car.

_''Mew, My car, I brought my car''_ But I am ignoring him and continued buckling him up in the front seat.

 _''what's wrong with you Mew???''_ he kept on asking, but inside my head all I am thinking is.... is....

_''I'll explain it later Gulf''_ I said.

He sighs, _''What are you trying to do Mew, tell me. I am so confused right now''_ He kept on talking and I kept on ignoring him.

all throughout the drive, the silence is ringing inside my head, Gulf is looking at the window with his hands on his forehead.

I don't know, is he upset? Well, I just kidnapped him and didn't give any explanation on where are we going. Even I, don't know.

_''Gulf...''_

_''Hmm?''_

_''Are you hungry?''_ I asked.

 _''Not really, are you hungry?''_ he returned the question to me.

_''Not really,''_ Then he nodded and turned his head at the window seat again.

I don't know how to break this silence between me and Gulf, I don't know what should we talked about.

While I am continuously thinking of ways to break the ice, Gulf speaks.

_''By the way Mew, you were interrupted earlier, what was it? you were trying to say something weird''_

The moment he said that my heart skipped a beat, I'm afraid he would hear my heartbeat so I cough, trying to dodge the question.

 _''Huh? what do you mean?''_ I'm trying my best to ignore the question then I felt at the side of my eyes Gulf is staring at me.

_''You forgot it already Mew? before we leave Khun Mae's home, you pulled my arm, dramatically 5555''_

_''Gulf!!!''_

_''What? it's true, right? Just tell me now Mew, you don't have to drag me, besides we've been driving for quite a while now but we haven't reached our destination''_

I smiled, _''But we're here''_ I told him,

_''Mew...''_ Gulf went out of the car, hands covering his mouth. _''What is this place?''_

_''It's my place...''_

_''It's so beautiful!!!!''_

_''I know,''_ While looking at him.

_''Honestly! this is my first time being at the sea, plus it's almost sunset? woah! This is amazing!''_ He's jumping like a kid.

_''Glad, very glad that you liked it.''_

I let Gulf roam around the seashore, I see that he's enjoying it. so I went near the seashore where rocks and woods are built for people so that they can enjoy the sunset.

I sat there and started gazing at every wave and appreciating the calming sound of the wind and singing of the birds around the area.

_''Woah, My energy is boosted up! 5555 this is so nice Mew,''_

Gulf sat beside me, I took a deep breath and throw a stone at the sea.

_''You know, we're always hanging out around here. If I remember it well, every first Saturday of the month, We've done that for 3 years.''_

Gulf leaned and gave his full attention to me, I smiled thinking how cute he is, he looks like a 3-year-old kid waiting for candy but before that, he has to hear a story 555.

_''The same spot, every month, it became a habit that if we missed one Saturday, the whole day is fucked up. My life revolved around one person, and it was Saint._

_He's the kind of person... who accepted me for who I am, and I used to tell him that I am very grateful I have him in my life.''_ then I looked at Gulf who busy playing the sand with a stick.

_''The sand, the wind, and the water are all witnesses of our love story... Funny thing is, we've talked about everything, Even being separated... So Saint told me..._

_that when the time comes that one of us wasn't here anymore, or have a different path and we don't work out at the end... we will come back here''_

_''Coming back here for what?''_ Gulf asked me.

_''We will come back here with the right one.''_ after saying that I laughed, _''that's so cheesy I can't...555555''_

_''No, it wasn't, I really admire your relationship with Saint, you both deserve each other Mew, I'm really happy for you. even though he's not here anymore. but he stays and always inside your_

_heart, and that's so rare to find.''_

I took a deep sigh and throw another rock at the openness of the sea.

 _''I am happy too''_ I said.

_''The sunset is so beautiful Mew, Thank you for showing this to me. I really appreciate it, but I have to go back now and get my car''_

_''oh, yeah... sorry I forgot, also I am really sorry dragging you here without your consent''_

_''tsk! don't think about it, I enjoyed... it turned out well, I discovered a very beautiful place and that's because of you''_

_''Don't flatter me that much, I will more feel bad''_

_''I am not making you feel bad, I am thanking you. kidding aside Mew, This place is very beautiful... they will be so very lucky''_

_''Lucky? who??''_

_''5555, of course, the person, the right person that you'll bring here.''_

_''Oh... yeah, You... you are right''_

_''Let's go?''_

_''Sure, do you want to grab something on the way?''_

_''ugh, I don't really know?? Sorry, Mew, I'm not good at deciding 555''_

_''555 don't worry 555 me either, Let's see what we get on the way.''_

We got krapao and pad thai for me, we ate it inside the car and just talked about some stuff.

after that, I dropped him off at the parking lot near Saint's house. we bid our goodbyes, It was empty. I kinda feel like we both could have talked more about things

but because of other priorities, his priorities, we have to end it and call it a day.

_''Thank you, Mew!''_

_''thanks to you too Gulf,''_

_''I'm going now, take care. hope everything goes well with you.''_

_''Please don't block me out of your contacts Gulf! Let's keep in touch''_

_''555555 silly! I won't! drive safely''_

Then I trace off his car getting away from me, It was a great day that I got to spend with him.

And now, back to my reality. 

**Home**

_''You're back late, your friend Mild drop by here. again? he said he will comeback''_ My mom said.

_''I'm tired... I want to sleep''_

Then she grabbed my arms, _''You're not tired. did something happened?''_

_''Mom...''_

_''Yes, baby? tell Mom, are you okay?''_

Then I didn't notice that there are already tears flowing through my eyes. 

_''Mew??? what's wrong darling? why are you crying?''_

Then Mom guided me to our living room while I continue tearing up, she got me a glass of water.

 _''Drink this, Mew what happened?''_ she asked me, I don't like being weak in front of my Mom but maybe this day, I couldn't hold it in.

_''I feel guilty Mom.''_ then Mom looked at me, _''About what Son?''_

_''About everything, me living my life... me being happy''_

_''What are you talking about Mew? why would you be guilty of these things?''_

_''Because I felt like I don't deserve it, I'm thinking about Saint...''_

_''Honey, do you think Saint would like you to be like this? I'm sure he won't like it''_

_''I don't know Mom, Saint hasn't been visiting me. even in my dreams, I think he's angry at me''_

_''Saint will never be angry with you Mew, please remember that. Saint would love to see you living,''_

I hugged my mom and start sobbing, _''I love Saint so much, but....''_

_''But??? Mew, you know you can tell me everything right?''_

_''Mom, I think I'm in love again.''_

Then Mom tightened her hug, _''Son, what's wrong with being in love?''_

_''I don't know Mom, I don't know how to explain it''_

_''Stop crying Mew, you don't have to feel bad. you deserve to be love and to love, but I want you to be careful..._

_....Son, you know yourself, and you know your heart. there's nothing wrong if you want to love again if you think you're ready then go for it..._

_... we have too many regrets in life because we are afraid, of something or someone is holding us down, I want you to follow what's right for you..._

_always remember that Mama is here with you, I will always support you Mew, whatever happens, you can turn around and you can see Mama waiting for you''_

_...Your heart, is your heart...It's not for display, it's for loving someone..._

_.. so Son, if you feel like your heart is beating again for someone, try to embrace it and see if the heartbeat will be heard..''_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little update again 55555 sorry,  
> I hope you like it, please tell me any feedback don't be shy  
> I would love to hear something or read something from my readers na...
> 
> if you want to connect with me and be mutual here's my twitter kha: @kanamewjpeg
> 
> Thank you for reading! love you.
> 
> eysia-


	18. Torn

* * *

_I won't lie to you, I had to be honest... It takes me to those moments where you and I are together, Can you breathe for me?_

_Can I hold you like what I have been doing? Can I feel your warm breath against my lips?_

_But I wake up, In the dreams that we both lived. My heart is broken and I am all alone because you're not here._

_Do you hear my tears? Can you feel my heart? It's beating again, I won't lie to you. It's beating again._

* * *

**Time passes**

_''The only thing that I want to do right now is to tell him how I feel, after that... Whatever his reaction I will accept it''_

I've been talking to Mild for hours, ranting, venting everything that I'm feeling inside, _''How will you tell him?''_

He asked me, _''I will tell him, directly, I don't want to waste time Mild.''_ I said.

_''Mew, I respect you. but did you think about this? like carefully?''_

_''Why? Of course, It's been 3 months Mild''_ Mild adjusted his voice, _''It's been 3 months since Gulf disappeared on you Mew''_

I got a sting inside my heart when I heard that, _''He didn't disappear Mild, he was just... he was just busy okay''_

_''Did he tell you that himself? Mew, I told you that I will support you, But can't you see the situation right now?''_

_''Mild, stop overreacting okay... I know Gulf, he wouldn't do that, besides he promised that we will still contact each other''_

I heard a deep sigh over the phone, _''Mild, I have to go okay. Thank you for listening. Take care''_ Then I ended the call.

It's been 3 months since the last time I heard from Gulf, I don't know what happened. I tried to think of different situations that he could be in.

Such as his Mom took his phone, he's on a retreat, He went on vacation with his sister or with his dad, but after thinking all those situations I was left by one thought.

_''Did he really disappeared? Did he leave me?''_

I spread my arms on my bed, closed my eyes, and tried to catch up with my senses. I don't really understand the cycle of Love even right now.

The last love I had was my first too so I don't have any idea how falling in love a second time works. 

**''Are you sure that it is Gulf?''**

This question stayed in my mind for the last month, Mild know how to mess with my sanity.

How did I found out that I liked Gulf? It may seem impossible, but the first time I saw him, I knew something is different.

After the denying part that I've gone through, Sinking inside my head that this guy has my Boyfriend's heart, I got interested.

I don't know too, it seems lame but this is just my reason, why? do I really need a reason to love someone again?

_''Mom, Can we talk?''_ It's been a while since I sit down with my Mom and actually have a decent conversation, So I thought this time would be the best time.

 _''Sure Son, what's wrong? are you okay?''_ She asked worryingly, It's funny that my Mom got an impression now when I ask for her there's something wrong.

_''All good Mom, I just want to talk with you like good all times, I missed you''_ after I said that my mom got teary, she hugged me and started to cry.

 _''5555 ma, I didn't say we're going to have a crying session here''_ I told her, _''I'm sorry Mew, It's been a while since I heard you say this, I'm really happy''_

Now thinking about it, Ever since I came out and had a relationship I haven't really talk to my mom that much because if I'm not at school, I'm with Saint.

It pains me to hear these from my mom, So I wanted to catch up with her.

_''I'm really sorry Mom if I am not a good son to you, I know I've been lacking a lot and it got to a point where I got drifted apart from you''_

_''Son, Don't say that, I understand you okay. Besides, Mama is always here for you so you don't have to worry.''_

then we hugged each other so tightly, _''Do you want to eat something? let's bake? like when you were just a kid, you kept bugging me to bake you some cookies''_

 _''5555 I actually remember that Mom, 5555 that was a long long time ago. Should we make a brownie today??''_ I asked her.

Then you can see that her eyes lit up and her smile widened, _''Let me compensate for all the things Mom,''_

 _''Don't worry Mew, having you as my Son... is all that matters''_ then we went to the kitchen and started baking.

_''Yeah 55555 I remember that Mom, please stop saying it. I'm embarrassed''_

_''You were so tiny that time, It's funny because I remember your sister flying away from you, the way you pushed her''_

_''I was lucky daddy didn't see it,''_ I chuckled, _''But I saw it, 5555 so you got a lil spank from me''_

 _''That was fun mom, it was really a great memory''_ Then I held her hand, _''Hope we can do this often times Mom,''_

_''You can always come to me Mew, I will always wait. hmm, by the way, did Gulf called you already?''_

Then my expression changed, _''Why do you ask Mom?''_ I asked her. _''Well, I'm just asking, because I notice that you aren't with your phone that much''_

_''ah, it's nothing, Mom.''_ Then I bitterly smiled, _''Are you sure that there's nothing wrong Mew?''_

_''Hmm, well if he doesn't want me to contact him then I can't force him, Mom,''_

_''You know Son, I don't really know what to say to you. you have your own life and you can decide for yourself''_

_''I know Mom, don't worry too much. I'll be fine 555''_

_''Okay, I'll go out with your sister, We might be late so help yourself okay? you can look inside the fridge and cook whatever you want.''_

_''Don't worry Mom, take care. I'm sorry I couldn't come, I have lots of paper works to do.''_

_''No worries! Take care son, call me if you need something okay,''_

_''Go Now Mom, don't worry I'll be in my room.''_

Then my Mom went out and I stayed inside my room. Doing nothing but overthink.

Yes, I have lots of paper works but those papers could wait. I just can't stop thinking about Gulf.

I couldn't help myself but call Mild, 

**_''I don't know what to do, can you come over? let's hang out''_ **

**_''Mew? I'm with boat. you wanna come over?''_**

**_''Where?''_ **

**_''Here''_ **

**_''Mild tell me the address''_ **

**_''In Phuket...''_ **

**_''Are you serious?? what are you doing there? since when?''_ **

**_''Since now, 5555 Mew C'mon I haven't seen boat for quite a while now so let's see each other next time okay?''_ **

**_''But Mild.. hello?? hello??? MIld???_ **

He hangs up on me, now what will I do? Should I try calling Gulf? Or Should I just cry myself to sleep again? 

\------

_**''** Cry me to sleep is the only way for me now, I'm desperate' **'**_ I said to my sister who is very busy playing on her phone.

 _''Who told you to leave him hanging just like that Phi? no one right?''_ She said.

_''Besides, you didn't have any concrete reason why you should quit seeing them, why phi?''_

I sat down and faced my sister, _''You know well Leila,''_ then she looked at me weirdly, _''How would I know???''_

I released a deep sigh, _''You know let's not talk about it. I'm tired, can you go home''_ I told her.

 _''No, you can't just push me away, we should talk''_ Then she took a notebook out of her bag and a pen,

_''So tonight, we're going to have a 'My brother answers all of my questions' okay?''_

_''C'mon lei, stop with this nonsense, I'm so tired please let's play next time.''_

_'Okay question no.1 **What's your favorite color?''**_

_**''** Are you serious Leila? you're asking me about my favorite color?? you already knew that.''_

**_''_** _Okay, okay, I know it's yellow right_ ** _?''_** Grinning, I patted her head **_''Yes, it's yellow''_**

 **_''_ ** _Okay! we're doing great, you're doing great phi...''_

She continued asking me nonsense questions which she already knew, I know she's just buying time and use this excuse to sleepover at my place.

But what I didn't expect was her last few questions.

_''Have you ever be in a relationship?''_ She looked at me straight into my eyes waiting for the answer.

_''Hmm, let me count... 0? I had zero relationships Leila, I don't have time for that''_

Then she stared at me with her empty-looking eyes, _''You serious ???''_

_''Of course, I am, why would you think otherwise?''_

_''Okay, so Mew is the first one?''_ I choked, what the hell is she talking about.

 _''What are you talking about Lei?''_ Looking confused.

_''It's okay Phi, I know you like him. Am I right?''_ She said that with her suspicious face.

_''You're out of your mind Leila, go home now.''_

_''hm, I think it's not me Phi, It's you.''_

Then I looked at her then she smiled, _''I just don't want you to regret things P'Gulf.''_

_...You've been ignoring Mew, avoiding him without an actual reason. I just don't understand why??''_

_''You wouldn't understand it, Lei, I have my reasons.''_

_''I just wish your reasons are valid P'Gulf, sometimes we do things out of our consciousness and we will only realize it that we miss the opportunity when's it's too late.''_

She got up, took her things, and gave me a kiss on my cheek but before going out of my room she whispered something in my ears.

_''I just want your happiness Phi, Please don't hold back because of us.''_

Then she bid her goodbye to me, as I trace her going out of my room I didn't notice that there was a form of a tear in my eyes.

All my life I have been proving my worth, Ever since my mom abandoned me and left me with my dad who eventually got another partner, and I got a sibling.

My existence was questioned, I thought no one wants me because my Mom left me, the thought of not having any single image of her inside my head hurts me the most.

I remember her but I couldn't see her face, her photos were thrown away by my dad, While growing up I didn't have the courage to bring it up or ask some questions.

Because inside my head, people who chose to leave you don't have any space in your life, well that was what my Dad said to me.

So the version of me growing up didn't go that well, I have a lot of insecurities but hey, I'm fun! it's just that sometimes I couldn't hide it.

The moment where my life was at risk, I kinda took it and accepted that no one would care, that's what was inside my head, even though Dad has been supporting me.

But I felt like he was only doing that because it was his obligation, as a father.

But the moment I met this sweet stranger, playing my favorite genre of music, who was nice enough to invite me inside his room, was nice to talk things about me, to ask me

how I am, to the point where he donated his heart to me. Every time I think of that I can't help but cry. 

I felt something inside my heart, It pains me. I feel so guilty. I shouldn't be doing this to him.

that every time I look at Mew, I remember Saint, it hurts. 

That's why I decided to stop this growing feeling before it gets so serious.

**_I'm sorry Mew,_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this small update, but here you guys!  
> I hope you like it, and please let me know if I should continue the story  
> or it is becoming boring so that I know where should I work more.
> 
> Please keep safe always na kha, See you guys next time!
> 
> Connect with me on Twitter: @kanamewjpeg
> 
> -Eysia


End file.
